Resolutions are the in-thing

"What's your New Year Resolution?"

That's the single-most popular question I get to hear every year as if that's the only thing that matters and my life depended on the answer, especially on the last day of an year that's gone by! Resolutions were never my thing. As a child, and a teenager, I used to make one as easily and as I pushed it (with immediate effect) to the corner-most, undusted and cobwebbed part of the attic called my mind - where the concept of spring cleaning doesn't exist.

This year, therefore, I decided to do something different: to actually make a new resolution (which I've not done in the past few years) - quite a few resolutions perhaps - and keep track of how many (of those) and how soon will I break (most of those)!

Allow me a few digressions and meanderings, here and there, while I prepare my very own list of new year resolutions.

New Year means a lot of things to a lot of people. To me, it means new beginnings, new hopes, new goals, new inspirations, and new aspirations. New resolutions too - which are of course broken in no time. But most importantly, it also means an opportunity to learn new things, visit new places, break a few bonds, and make new ones - in fact, enjoy life with renewed energy and enthusiasm. I aspire to achieve some of these at least by end of 2014.

Oh God! as predicted, I started with a digression. Now, the list:

1. Don't aim at buying a new car but aim at maintaining the good ol' Alto at least by dusting it every once in a while.
2. Forgive, forget, move on, move over, move under, make move(s) and move (to) places.
3. Take chances and take a lot of risk to climb that mango tree just to bite into a succulent, teeth-tingling raw mango.
4. Be around people with positive thoughts, attitude, spirit.
5. Speak only in Telugu with all the English speakers and in Spanish/Tamil/Malayalam with all Odiya/Telugu/Hindi speakers. And speak (and sing too) backwards if possible.
6. Spend quality time with my daughter, and control my temper around her.
7. Sign up for all bakwaas newsletters, promos and all other junk emails just to enjoy the feel of deleting them or marking them as spam.
8. Speak the truth and ONLY the truth, even if I get murdered in the process of trying to protect the truth and all the facts surrounding it.
9. Be less greedy and gluttony - eat if and only when I am hungry, unless of course it's mysore pak, gulab jamun, rock sweet (from pulla reddy) double-cheese pizza, triple-layered chocolate fudge brownie with ice-cream, nuts and melted chocolate, cheese macaroni, veg sizzler, paneer salt-n-pepper, MLA pesarattu, oily mysore/ mirchi bajji, samosa, malpua, jalebi, chenna poda, chenna cutlet, chenna-any-effing-sweet, dum-style veg biryani, bagara baingan, baingan ka bharta with butter garlic naan, masala dosa, onion dosa a la Manmadhudu style and a few interesting things more.
10. Shed a couple of grams by end of year. Phew! That itself takes so much effort I must say, and the thought counts right!
11. Laugh till my stomach hurts, eyes water, my throat goes grrrrrrrr. Laugh till I can laugh no more!
12. Pamper myself dutifully day after day, week after week and month after month... call home a beautician, a yoga instructor, a dietitian, a masseur - anyone who is willing to pamper me - and spend the entire day feeling loved/ great.
13. Cry my heart out till tears dry up completely and refuse to well up my eyes for the rest of the year.
14. Follow Protima Bedi's example and learn dance - how does it matter (to me) if I can't get the moves right? It's the audience that suffers, not me :D Learn groovy/ sexy moves for latest Bollywood numbers like Sari ke fall sa, Halkat jawani, Chikni Chameli, and Gandi baat just so I don't feel out of place at picnic parties.
15. Say 'I Love You' to anyone I feel like - everyday and many times in a day. On second thoughts, maybe I should restrict the madness to one person per day.
16. Sing (war and revenge songs, national anthems, nursery rhymes - basically anything works) aloud in the presence of unsuspecting friends - especially when I have sore throat and scummy cough as accompanists.
17. Be as naughty as I can get - naughtier and more mischievous than a child.
18. Read every crap book that's available in the second-hand market and complete reading all the good ones sitting morosely at the home library before making millions by selling them off as "vintage collection". 
19. Speak my mind and let all the idiots and fools know how idiotic and foolish they are!
20. Pose for stupid photo sessions and also get an amazing portfolio done for my Bollywood comeback. Yes, you read it right. It's gonna be a comeback (that's what actors of my age do)!
21. Slap all idiots who hurt me, then laugh hysterically and clap with glee!
22. Believe in myself, my ability, my beauty, my personality, my everything - and then believe that everyday is beautiful and marks a new beginning.
23. Wish the first person(s) I see in the morning 'Happy Birthday' even if it's not their birthday! And keep changing my date of birth on FB every 10-20 days just to confuse people... :P
24. Forge bonds with all my dearest friends and strengthen ties with people who matter to me - while royally ignoring those who I don't have/ want to care about - and call/ meet once a month.
25. Change the face of the village, and do something to make the lives of people better - like distributing free gutka or booze packets. It's easier to gain the villagers' trust and respect this way rather than doing socially responsible and morally acceptable things.
26. Learn to be more strong and assertive. More importantly, learn to say NO if that's the only thing I want to say.
27. Roam around the house in the dark in a white sari with a candle in hand singing "Kahin deep jale kahin dil" and other vital songs that add value to my get-up!
28. Spend money on things that I LOVE rather than sacrifice now and regret later about buying or help buying things for others.
29. Get drunk, throw up, and then scream at the top of my voice "Saale Kutte Kameene main tera khoon peejaaoongi" while dramatically wiping my mouth.
30. Make a beginning for my very own 'Around the world in 80 days' trip with daughter.
31. Read all crap, downmarket works by Indian authors including Chetan Bhagat, Rabinder Singh, Preeti Shenoy, Robin Sharma, Animesh Verma just so I can understand why my students want to do a novel review on their books. Note to self: Stay away from God fiction and God(s) of small and big things.
32. Take Srishtii's advice and become the greatest cook(er) on earth. Join the Village Culinary Club (oops, need to check if we have one though) to hone my innate talent and learn to cook an amazing variety of dishes with unpeeled potatoes.
33. Take dog for a walk everyday; offer to take neighbours' dogs for walks too - maybe become the official dog-walker in the village by including street dogs in my Walk the Talk sessions.
34. Dig into the list of all my social networking and email contacts to see who's gonna be more useful to me and religiously follow them to spectacularly and miraculously improve my chances of becoming a part of the next-big-thing (whatever it means, it does sound good!)
35. Become the official photographer for all the weddings in the village and shoot away with my amazing 3.2 MP cell phone camera.
36. Come up with excellent movie titles for Telugu cinema industry and win the Best Title Writer award... To sample a bit of my brilliance, here are a few: Neekem telusu nimmakaya pulusu, Veedu naa mogude, Nuvvu kaavali ante telvada be, Phakiru cheppina kathalu, Jeedi maamidi-kanne gummadi, Nenu ikkada nuvvu ekkada?, Chachinattu choodu, Veedu maaradu anthe...
37. Throw stones at the neighbour's house in the middle of the night and scream "Snake, Dog, Pig, Elephant, Bear, Ghost, Thief" and whatever else comes to my mind when they wake up to abuse me.
38. Okay, most importantly, complete the list of resolutions before 2013 ends.
39. Break most of these by end of the first week and start preparing a new list for 2015.

Thank God, I'm done. Actually, no! The list I've on mind is lost in a fathomless pit. And I'm not even remotely close to one-thousandth of the things I want to put in the list. Never mind, I think this would do for a (comeback) beginner for the time-being. Uff! I wonder how people can spend so much of time, energy, and effort in planning, creating and executing a list of resolutions when they are sure they're not gonna last more than a week! Nevertheless, new year resolutions are (perceived to be) serious business, symbols of hope(s), tough work but fun too... So where's your list?