No IGNOU, only Univ... UFFFFF!!

After a restless, sleepless and seemingly endless night, laughter, mirth and amusement would be the last things on anyone's mind. And if you've had one of those serious discussions (a.k.a 'big fight') with your spouse late at night (that led to the insomnia in the first place), you can hardly imagine the sun to shine as bright as ever in the morning! But when a phone call wakes you up in a totally confused and drowsy state when you're almost asleep and sleep-talking during most part of the conversation - hardly aware of what you're thinking or saying - you certainly would end up providing comic relief to the caller and make his day!

Though I've always been popular (especially at work) for providing comic relief, my wit and sense of humour go for a toss when my anger reached its boiling point the previous night. And not being the one to easily forget and move on, the brooder in me constantly keeps reminding me of the need for Kleenex every few minutes.

And so S was caught completely off guard when he called in the morning to find out how wifey dear is doing after last night's lost-temper-coupled-with-copious-tears-n-controlled-sobs. No wonder, S called many times later in the day to thank me for 'making his day' after a tension-filled night!

There definitely is something comical about me. Read on to decide if you agree with me!

Tring tring... tring tring... tring tring and many more trings later...

S: Hello, how're you?

Me: (Totally drowsy) Fine.

S: Are you driving? You took so long to pick up the call.

Me: Sleeping.

S: Oh okay. Well, I'll call you later then.

Me: Okay. Hey tell me one thing...

S: Yeah? 

(I wonder if he expected me to ask him if he still loves me since I fought so bitterly in the night. That would have been the typical me. But somehow that was the last of my worries. I guess I had more pressing things on mind.)

Me: Did I complete my M.A.?

S: WHAT?

Me: Did I finish my M.A. or no?

S: Of course you did. Why are you asking?

Me: Then why are you asking me to complete it from IGNOU?

S: (Thoroughly bewildered) When did I ask you to do so?

Me: Never mind. I want to complete my M.A. from University (meaning University of Hyderabad), not IGNOU. Or was it ANGRAU?

S: (Burst out laughing) But you completed it already from University. You had U.M., D.A., and XYZ (now I forget the other name S mentioned, pardon me) for your classmates. And you were taught by teachers like Prof. Merchant.

Me: Whatever... I still want to do it from University only. Since anyway I'm not working or doing anything right now I want to complete the second year in University only.

(I can hear S's continuous, uncontrolled laughter in the background. But I had to fight my case and prove my point).

Me: I've already told my tuition students that I've completed my M.A. in English from the University. So I can't let them know that I've another year to study and I shouldn't do it from IGNOU. If they find out, my students will stop coming to me for tuition.

(Bah, why is he laughing non-stop and interrupting my thought process... nonsense!)

S: (Says in a sympathetic tone, after taking a short break from his evil laughter) Okay you can complete it now, I mean immediately. Just sleep now and when you wake up, you'd have completed your studies. Good luck and goodnight!

Me: Yeah, okay, bye!

Now who wouldn't want to forgive, love, and live with such a silly spouse! 

In the era of... err... what can I say?

Okay! I agree there have been a spate of scams in the recent past - starting with CWG... So?

I woke up one fine day to realize that the Games that everyone was so excited about is as tainted as a tinted glass. I can still understand and empathize with the enthusiasm of every average Indian like me... and also sympathize with Mr. Kalmadi in the same breath. After all, it's a question of a whopping Rs. 160 crore. Now tell me which 'honest' person will not succumb to devilish temptation with such an amount at his disposal. It's really cruel and evil to think that s/he shouldn't. So, I have no problem with Mr. Kalmadi's theft... in fact, I think he's super cool and I appreciate his deftness, boldness, confidence and what not!

Next what do I hear of? The town is painted red with the news about the great Adarsh Housing Society scam! Where's the scam about that, I say! The poor CM was made to resign for such a small offence. He made just a few bucks for his services to his State. Big deal! Why should we grudge him his 'small benefit' for his huge sacrifices as a CM. Don't you realize how Mr. Chavan has had to sacrifice his time, energy, family life, career prospects, health, personal space, privacy, and everything else you can think of just to serve you all as the CM. What ungrateful fellas we all are!  

And just when I was coming to terms with a few 'minor' aberrations, the news about the 2G Spectrum scam hit the news stands and the channels. Wah Wah! India is progressing at a faster pace, I must admit. Here again, I've my sympathies with Mr. Raja and his DMK boss(es). I've no qualms about the Rs. 1.76-lakh crore that was laundered. Come on, so what if there's a loss to the exchequer, the money is gone into 'safe' hands. Trust me Mr. Raja, I'm with you on this!

And then I hear of another spectrum controversy - with ISRO being involved this time. This, I have to admit, was the only time I felt a bit shaky. I don't mind any organization being part of any scam - major or minor. I only don't want to lose sleep over the fear of an impending nuclear war. That's my only lookout. As long as I can have a relaxed and peaceful sleep at nights (or whenever I want to for that matter) without thinking about dark nights and bullet/ cannon sounds. What's the connection, you might ask! I don't know either. I just thought I'll make up some silly-yet-grand theory about ISRO misusing (err... I meant using) SLV technology to launch super wars against all super powers on Earth and Mars and Jupiter and Mercury. Sounds cool, na?   

All was well till the Radia tapes were out! Now what I really can't stand is the involvement of those stupid petty journalists. How dare they try to get themselves entangled in such a scummy scam mess! I don't hate corruption or corrupt people! But what I don't like is... getting caught! And what's worse, making a blatant show of it! Maybe, maybe... all this negative propaganda pays off the likes of BD in the end. Let's wait and watch! In the meantime, I wish BD and colleagues good luck! 

While on corruption, what about the sanctions given to her home State by our honorable Railway Minister, Madame Mamta? You call it partiality? I call it favoritism. You call it injustice? I call it diplomacy. You call it selfishness? I call it indirect self-interest. As simple as that. (Oh that also reminds me another slightly related incident...)

However, what I don't understand is why are Indians waking up suddenly, and crying hoarse for heaven's sake? Hasn't any of this happened before? Let's please go back to sleep and rest peacefully. Please play a deaf ear to everything around. That's much better and safer than taking to the streets, and showing (y)our discontent with protests akin to those being held at the moment by our fellow citizens across the globe. It's not really worth the effort, I'm telling you.

This is not the era of do or die. This is not even the era of live and let live. This is the era of enjoy and forget about everything else. This is the era of if you can't be happy, snatch the others' happiness too. Most importantly, this is the era of scams and make money schemes. And once you make the money, don't forget to stow it in super cool Swiss accounts. :P

So, why are you bent upon wasting your time? Stop acting NOW if you are thinking in terms of rallies, revolution, ending corruption, jaagte raho... It all sounds good on TV and in magazines. If you don't wanna pay heed to what I say, please keep me out of the consequences. And don't complain later that I didn't warn you!