Of relationships, and regrets!!!

Of all the things in life that need nurturing and caring, relationships are the most valuable - they're fragile, they're vital, they're delicate, they're complicated, and they're the cause for joy or regret. It's been two years exactly since my only sibling breathed his last in my lap. And then started my own struggle to come to terms with a whole lot of things.

Guilt more than grief took over me for the first few months. I regretted each fight I had with him all my life; I regretted the exchange of choicest gaalis, the heated arguments we had; I regretted all the tight-lipped no-talk-no-contact-I-hate-you times; and I hated myself for every bit of each word I chose ever so carefully to hurl at him in a fit of rage... it's killing... this is like slow poison.

Another of life's lessons well learnt!!! Never let your life come to a point where you're deep in remorse or regret. Never fight with anyone you love. Life is too short to get angry, and, worse, hold grudges. We're so caught up with ourselves, and with the race we're aiming to win that we forget what we're doing, where we're going; we forget to stop, think, take a deep breath, and then LIVE. Now, come to think of it, I find it very funny when I observe people - they don't have enough time to live and to breathe peacefully, so where exactly do they get the time to think about others' faults and hate them for their follies!

Standing in the dining room of Anuraag Old Age Home-cum-orphanage for Mentally challenged children at Tolichowki, while overseeing the lunch being served (sponsored by my mother in memory of her only son), I could feel the rush of varied thoughts, and juxtaposed images, combined with suppressed emotions, and tears welling in my eyes choking me deep down.

I still regret all those times I stopped speaking to my brother because of some silly fight or serious misunderstanding! Now I've words, emotions, feelings, memories but NO brother to share them with. So I make it a point to tell everyone who cares to listen - don't waste your love by keeping it to yourself, just express it, just give it away - not only will you feel better but the world becomes so much more better, and beautiful. Also, never waste your anger on anybody else - you're only losing a relationship by winning an argument.

Back home, there are clothes, books, papers, toys and random stuff scattered all around... which makes me wonder - is it actually the house of a stickler for cleanliness like me? Friends who've known me for donkey's years find it extremely surprising, and almost unbelievable!! But I know the reason for this change! I prefer a person to an argument won. I prefer people to four walls. So, what do you prefer?