Love has died, Long live Love

Watching movies on television in the cosy confines of your home at your own convenience is an experience in itself. The best part of home theatre is you've the option of forwarding certain awkward bits, rewinding to re-view your favorite parts, and watching just the songs if you're not too keen on sitting through an entire movie.

Okay! So? Why am I telling you all this? Because I recently watched two movies at home (long after their release of course) made in our very own backyard called Bollywood. And these happen to be completely different from each other. No, this post is not going to be a critical review of the films. It's more an expression of what was going on in my mind while watching them, and a reflection on the most important aspect of human life called relationships.

First it was Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna which was telecast on Set Max that set the ball rolling for my jumbled thoughts. I couldn't watch the entire movie though. Two days later, I happened to watch Jodha-AKbar - this time on my DVD player. And both movies kept me glued to the television. Why, you may wonder! Because of the deft handling of relationships in these flicks.

Ahhh yes!!! Relationships! My favorite topic of discussion. How my friends would love to vouch for it after being subjected to my umpteen impromptu gyan sessions!! True, I love talking about relationships because, to me, they are the be-all and end-all of my existence. I live because of the relationships I share with different people at different levels. I am what I'm because of the innumerable lessons I learnt from each relationship.

Some are strange, some are delicate. Some are intimate, some are just beautiful. Some are obligatory, some are courteous. And then there are some I cherish forever. Oh how I love relationships - probably that explains why these movies caught my attention instantly.

Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna made me look at relationships in a brand new perspective as the story of the three couples offers a three-dimensional view. Besides the two married couples Dev-Rhea (Shah Rukh-Preity) and Rishi-Maya (Abhishek-Rani), we are witness to the blossoming relationship between Dev and Maya.

Let's, for some time, forget if these kind of relationships are acceptable in our culture and our country. I'm not a stickler for traditions and societal norms. I'm also not averse to the idea of couples falling out of love. I don't frown on the idea of a divorce or even an extra-marital affair. And this movie certainly raises bigger questions on marriage, love, and flings. Though I personally thought the movie falls flat in certain aspects, and fails to answer the questions convincingly enough, it does leave an indelible imprint.

Looking at each of the characters, the first person I could totally identify with was Rishi - a typical male whose violent reaction when he learns about his wife's affair looks entirely normal. Throwing stuff around, breaking valuables at home, pushing away the furniture - everything seems quite okay!!! The ultimate reality of an insecure male, and the couple's on-the-rocks marriage, comes to the fore when Rishi asks Maya, "Did you sleep with him? How was it? Did you have fun?"

There's something here that beats me totally. What becomes the basis of discord in a marital relationship becomes THE spicy ingredient in a new relationship. Maya who is unhappy with Rishi's 'physical approach to things as it's not everything in a relationship' finds herself willingly surrendering to her newfound love. Very strange! Either you like it or you don't. You can't be a hypocrite where sex is okay with a new person but not okay with your spouse!

Doesn't it say something about the institution called marriage? Since when has the new trend begun where marriage lost its charm and panache; where estranged couples are walking out without regret; where couples are getting in and out of relationships - and flings - as easily as choosing between a burger and a dosa; where monotony is the order of the day! Why have we come to a stage where we're craving for recognition, and looking for comfort outside of home, and marriage? Looks like the DINS syndrome has completely taken over the current generation.

Okay, wait a minute! Before we go off tangent criticising the age-old institution and questioning its very base, let's look at the other heart-warming tale of yet another couple - Jodha-Akbar. This movie is on another plain, slightly grounded in reality, and offers a positive perspective on life, marriage, love and relationships. The realization that even we're forced to travel through these terrains (sometimes smooth, sometimes rugged and sometimes rocky) in our own life, just like the couple in question, makes the movie that much more endearing.

No doubt the storyline is complicated, but it's unlike any of the movies that belong to the KANK genre. The movie is at a different emotional level altogether. The plot thickens as religious and political aspects, murderous plots and ego clashes, social awarenesses and economic conditions are brought out to the fore.

Surmounting all the negative aspects that come in the way of this relationship (religious differences, misunderstandings, treacheries, and ego clashes), the love between Akbar and Jodha emerges victorious. At the end of the struggle, all they have for each other are abundant love, unbeatable respect and an understanding that stems from a clear conscience and an excellent rapport. Like they say, the war (of egos) may have been lost but the battle is won.

Just like no two people are similar, no two relationships are alike. Jodha-Akbar shows us that love weathers the test of time and tide if the couple shares a beautiful friendship, perfect understanding and unrelenting love. More than the magnificent sets that depict the regality and the grandeur of the Mughal era, I was mesmerized and touched by the delicate handling of emotions, and relationships, in this movie.

To this amazing couple, and many such lovely couples (who inspire me in many ways), I dedicate this post. Long Live Love and Lovely Relationships!!

Of competition, pressure and suicide(s)

Curiosity in children nature has provided, to remove that ignorance they were born with; which, without this busy inquisitiveness, will make them dull.

- John Locke

Sakshi is one of the newspapers I read religiously, everyday, along with The Hindu. I recently happened to read this very interesting and touching story in their Sunday Magazine (dated Sept. 06, 2009) written by their columnist, Mr. G.R. Maharshi. Those who can read Telugu can find the original version here (try opening it in IE).

For the benefit of non-Telugu readers, here's a gist of the story. It revolves around a little parrot (an apt metaphor, I must say) who just wants to fly and enjoy the sense of floating in the air without being caged. But her parents don't really approve of it - they want to send her to a cage (no prizes for guessing what it stands for!) which is guarded 24X7 by teachers, books, canes, exams, homeworks, and punishments among others.

Here's a sample of how our little parrot used to feel in this cage:

Teacher: "Do you know what's gravitation?"

Little Parrot: "Those who love the sky and the air need not think about the earth."

Teacher: "You've got zero marks!"

Little Parrot: "I know what's a zero, it looks like the full moon."

Teacher: "Nonsense! this is an institution which produces doctors and engineers, not poets or philosophers."

Thus goes the conversation... and on several occasions the little one's promptly put in place while being taught the rules of the cage and how not to cross the line. On one such occasion, when our parrot is unable to answer questions on Gama, Alpha, and Beta, the mother parrot was summoned.

After a detailed discussion with the teacher(s), the mother is disappointed that her daughter is not 'normal'. "Your father and I have worked very hard to send you to this cage. We'll ONLY feel happy if you come out donning a doctor's or an engineer's wings," says she. "But I'm good at flying - please let me become an expert at it," our little parrot pleads with her mom, tears glinting in her eyes.

But how dare she! How dare she question the rules of the game... how dare she think of flying in an opposite direction while all the others are flying in the same direction? How dare she answer her mother back!! Just a couple of slaps were enough to set the daughter right!

"You've no choice but learn what fetches you money. Be obedient, stick to the rules of the cage and come out with a doctor's coat so you can earn a lot by coming up with new diseases. Or become an engineer and build bridges between trees. You can collect money at the toll gate from each bird that flies there. If this country doesn't give you enough money, fly to America or Europe. But you cannot think of taking flying lessons anymore," was her last warning to her child.

Can our little parrot go against her parents' warnings? I guess not! She just kept counting days in the cage, occasionally peering out the window with a gloomy expression. Her day would start at 5 a.m. but God knows when it would end after all the lessons she's forced to learn hour after hour. She almost forgot that she has wings and that she used to fly once upon a time. How long can she remain sane if she's not allowed to fly? Soon she fell ill, but the mother would only talk about career, and how important it is to get back to the cage.

One night, when the mother is just about to sleep, there's a knock on their door. "I'm the God," declares the person at the door. "And your daughter wants to come to me. But I don't like it if people come to see me without being summoned. I sent you all to this earth thinking you'll lead a good life. But, contrary to my expectations, you're all spoiling your life with false notions and unnecessary competition(s). I've not created this world for just doctors and engineers, I made it for everybody. And I love all my creations equally. Go tell your daughter that I don't want to see her now," said the tearful God, his words afflicted with pain.

"Does God also cry?" the mother was surprised. "Yes, He cries only because He is God (and is pained to see the plight of His people)." With that, He walked away...

This beautifully narrated tale touched me in more than one ways, I must admit. The writer's subtle-yet-sharp way of dealing with such a tricky subject using simple metaphors drives home the point, loud and clear! The story certainly makes all parents who care for their children sit up and take note. I'm still wondering if the competitive academic environment that's plaguing the present-day Indian education system actually yields desired results!

Why are we so caught up with our own prejudices and sense of right/wrong, good/bad, that we impose our views ruthlessly on our children? Why has it become so essential for our children to achieve what we couldn't? Do we really need to break these young hearts and push them towards taking drastic steps like suicide? Why are we so bent upon killing the child's creativity right at the primary school level? Now, isn't it high time that parents stop driving their children insane?

And the fact that the story was dedicated to all youngsters who ended their life because of parental pressure and stressful competition proves the importance of getting rid of the rat race. I hope somebody makes a beginning somewhere and help curtail the increasing number of teen suicides in the country. Guess educational institutions like these help build a new kind of society free from competition and pressure. Here's three cheers to many more such new beginnings and pressure-free academics!

The checklist

Yesterday, after careful deliberation, thought and reasoning, I made this checklist for myself. And, for once, I started feeling more strongly about what I set out to do - far from races and riches.

I'm posting this with a sincere hope that it might be of some help to someone, somewhere! Who knows, even I may want to keep coming back to it once a while to make sure I'm on the right track. Here's how I gave shape to my precious thoughts... :-)

1. Realize that time just flies and we keep racing against it, all our life, in vain. 
2. Slow down at least once to think about, and understand, what you've left behind and what you've got ahead. 
3. Stop for a second and take a deep breath before racing on. 
4. Organizations come and go, but people who matter to you don't - once lost, they're lost forever. 
5. You're not indispensable at work, but you're irreplaceable at home. Why not spend some more time with people who love you the most rather than at work, behind a computer! 
6. Spending time together doesn't necessarily mean spending money together at an upmarket mall, a plush new multiplex or a chic boutique. 
7. A pleasant evening well-spent at home with your family, or a nice long walk at the nearest park - hand in hand with a loved one - is what togetherness (and bliss) is all about! 
8. Life is short, so don't be hard (on yourself, or on others). 
9. How about saying hello to your long-lost friend today? 
10. There's no time to love, so why spend so much time to hate? 
11. Hatred makes you mad, and love makes you wild - which is better? 
12. Haste is waste, so just take a chill pill before the doctor gives you a whopping bill. 
13. Forgive, forget and move on. 
14. No argument is worth the time, energy and emotion spent to win it (probably at the cost of a relationship). Sacrifice such victory that pampers your ego, and you can win a heart without any resistance! 
15. Life is very unpredictable, don't even try to predict the future. Just go along the flow, and live the present moment to the fullest. 
16. Learn to love everything you do or intend to do... so what if you can't do everything you love! 
17. Of all the vices, jealousy is the worst - it leads to unnecessary complications and competitions. 
18. Religion is nothing in comparison to life, so there's no point in being a fanatic. Faith in some kind of supreme force (God?) makes more sense than becoming passionate about some poor physical replicas of religion. 
19. Never reach a point where you end up regreting the past. When you're breathing your last, your whole life is played in your mind in a rewind mode - all you can do at that point is think about things you could have done/said and didn't do/say while you still had a chance. 
20. Wealth and riches are never enough. They need to be chased all your life. 
21. In contrast, you can only eat so much. So feed yourself well instead, and you'll never find yourself wanting. 
22. If you hate somebody please ignore that part of your mind, but if you love somebody just go tell them at the first chance you get. 

BTW, did I tell you that I love you?

What's the chase for?

Another five lives lost. In a fraction of a second. One mistake. One wrong judgment. Unfortunately, there's no rewind button. And, one life seems a lot more important than the other four. Or so the media thinks.

First they said there was no contact, then they said there was no trace. Soon it was no hope. It finally turned out that there was no life. The 'inevitable' has happened.When will the media learn to stop! Will they learn to draw a line, somewhere, ever?

But why is this news so important in my life? Because of the invasion of the television. Because of the familiarity of the man's face, and his friendly smile. Because YSR is almost a household name. Because my six-year-old knows about the existence of this CM. Because of the limmerick my husband taught my daughter a year ago for a quiz contest at school to ensure that she remembers the CM's name.

I agree the worst fears of the state have come true, and whatever has happened is unfortunate. What's worse is the lack of respect for human life. Images of the parts of each body being collected, pushed on to a stretcher and wrapped in a white cloth before being air-lifted show yet again the least value our country attributes to human life, and the kind of (dis-)respect shown to the mortal remains of our departed!

But for the television channels, my tension would not have reached its crescendo by 10.30 this morning. The first question my daughter asked me after returning from school at 12.05 p.m. was "Amma, aayana dorikara? (Has he been found?)". When I told her what has happened, she had tears in her eyes. All she said was "Ayyo, why amma?". As I explained about the chopper crash to her, my little one was bursting with questions, "But he's chief minister no amma, why did he go like that in rain? Nobody told him not to go? And why did only 5 people go? Did all of them die? Security uncles didn't go?"

Within minutes she called up her dad with more questions. She wanted to know it all - how did the air crash take place, why people in the airport didn't know about it, how difficult it is midway while traveling by air, and when the weather is bad should people travel...

The gist of it is the tragedy hit everyone - including a 6-year-old child. I guess we can't remain innocent/ ignorant anymore in this age of technology, and mushrooming media houses.

But yes, one more lesson learnt. We are born, and then we die. That alone is the reality. Everything else in between, including the life we lead, is just a stupid race - to do this or that, accumulate property, chase material comforts, become corrupt in the process, pick up fights/arrogance/prejudices, make enemies, live in constant fear of losing (things, wealth, loved ones, self - in fact, everything).

And when we're gone, we're just gone - with no trace left. In some cases without even a piece of cloth to cover the person's pride. So what's the point of chasing wealth and losing health when all you need are a few metres' cloth, and a six-foot trench?

Here's hoping that realization dawns on us soon... the sooner the better! And how about spreading this idea to a few others we know?