Thursday, January 13, 2011

What's my next adventure?

"Imagine yourself many years from today. Will you look at your life with even a little dismay?" 
- Michelle C. Ustaszeski

And that's exactly what I am trying to do - imagining myself many years from now... as a sexagenarian relaxing with a book (while Mozart composes brilliant pieces exclusively for me in the background) in a rocking chair in front of the fireplace in my very own study room with a shawl draped on my frail shoulders. Picture Perfect! That got me thinking - about quite a few things actually.

So what sort of woman am I? I still wander aimlessly, wondering aloud, in search of the right words to describe myself. With two love affairs, two marriages, a divorce, a daughter, and six jobs to my credit what's it that's driving me to push all the limits of a cocooned life I had experienced in the first 22 years of my life?

Despite the mental conditioning, the orthodox upbringing, the traditional environment in and around home, I guess I had secretly nurtured a spirit of adventure, confidence, individuality, hotheadedness, arrogance, ego, obstinacy, recklessness, pride, restlessness, and independence... without which I don't think I'd be where I'm today. Simply following my heart everywhere, comfortably making myself home in a nowhere land, picturing myself  as a senior citizen, and looking forward to my next adventure.

If it weren't for my rebellious nature combined with an adventurous attitude, I wouldn't have jumped headlong into another relationship/marriage after miserably failing the first time. Probably I wouldn't have thought of packing my bags without a second thought and moving to the countryside to try out yet another adventurous lifestyle - hitherto unknown to me. But... as always, I just followed my heart - without letting my head take control of my wants and dreams.

Never once did it occur to me that I'll be many many miles away - far from my hometown, my lovely bunch of friends, family, well-wishers, supporters, sympathizers, loved ones... in fact, all those who matter to me, and who believe I'm important to them! This isn't the first time that I'd recklessly embarked on a new journey - to live absolutely alone, except for a six-year-old chatter box for company - amid strangers under strangest circumstances.

If it weren't for my stupid sense of superiority, super confidence and trust in my own ability, I wouldn't have pushed the limits of my smooth-sailing life-boat, and sailed offshore! Am I regretting any of these happenings? Nope. Not at all. Quite the contrary actually. I'm enjoying every bit of it as I slowly learn to live each day. "If you don't think everyday is a great day, try going without one," says Jim Evans. How very true indeed! And I have this philosophy in life: everything I do, I do it for myself, for fun, for happiness, for experience - and in the process I learn some, I gain some, I lose some and I keep going. Just keep going, just keep going, just keep going...

Oh yes, I did hear a lot about patience being a virtue, patience paying off in the end, patience this patience that... like I care! Sincerely speaking, I've no patience. Absolutely none! All I knew in these 36 years of my life are impatience, restlessness, and impulsiveness. And I'm happy the way I am because it keeps me going - despite the hurt, the loss, the wound, the ego, the everything. True guys, I love myself and my attitude, and my sense of adventure. Because underneath all the layers of friendliness, sensitiveness, kindness, gentleness and all the other 'ness's, I'm as strong, as arrogant and as adamant as any princess of repute. :P 

So..., my ego prompts me every now and then, what's on your list next? Okay you tell me, what next?


bhavani said...

But for the rock, the spring will not have its song. You never have an adventure alone. Adventures happen when you are surrounded by someone, when someone is looking at you.
The thing is to have fun. You seem to be having it. Just celebrate life.

I speak my mind ! said...

I did not know that so many adjectives could be used to describe one person. Great going...