Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Whither have thou all gone?


Whenever I hear this song, I wonder where have all my favorite things gone! Each time I end up making a mental list of all things that I love. Or those that I used to love. There was a time when small and simple things were the very reasons of my happiness. These small little things were what made me genuinely happy.

As I now try to recollect something – anything – that makes me happy, I realized how much I've changed… With a surprise I note how I am unable to recollect most of what brings me happiness. Or when was the last time I was actually happy! Why, oh why, did I lose myself and my happy-go-lucky spirit amid the chores of life and the cares of the world! When did this transformation happen… I have no answers now but I’d surely explore and figure it out soon – very soon!

S keeps telling me – Be happy. Forget the past. Move on! How can anyone do it – when they’re shrouded in the bitterness of the past memories, and surrounded by misery! Happiness is not just a state of mind. It's a whole lot of things put together. Happiness, just like love, is such a fleeting thing, an ephemeral feeling. And yes, it indeed is difficult to understand what makes me happy and bring it all back into my life… welcome my old friend with a smile!

Nevertheless, I did manage to come up with a not-so-long list of things that still make me happy – genuinely happy.

  • Beautiful and colorful butterflies
  • Rainbow
  • Jasmines
  • Pink roses
  • Honey
  • Chocolate chips ice cream
  • Shiny glass bangles
  • Romantic songs of the Golden Era
  • Flying dupatta
  • Raindrops
  • First sip of freshly brewed hot coffee
  • A good book (preferably a feel-good romance or a racy thriller)
  • Smile of a baby
  • Hugging my daughter
  • A word of praise
  • Bright sunny morning after a week of incessant rains
  • A loving touch
  • Cooing of the birds
  • An indulgent gesture
  • Memory of my daughter’s face just after she was born
  • A walk on the wet sand
  • A deep wet kiss
  • Roasted peanuts with jaggery
  • A tight, therapeutic hug
  • An off-white sari with a red border
  • Touch of skin on skin
  • Picking up flowers that fell from a roadside tree
  • Raw mangoes with salt and chilli powder
  • The scent of the fresh mehendi
  • A romantic movie evening
  • A shared chocolate
  • Corn on the cob
  • Kalakhand
  • Satin ribbons
  • Melody chocolates
  • Fresh orange juice
  • Pani puri from a road-side vendor
  • Childhood black-and-white photographs
  • Natraj pencils
  • Watching Yeh Jo Hai Zindagi episodes on youtube
  • Photographs of breath-takingly picturesque locales
  • Waking up to Venkateswara Suprabhatam
  • Snuggling in a warm quilt on every winter morning
  • Finding money in a jeans pocket or a discarded purse
  • Reading a romantic Telugu novel (secretly)
  • Buttered popcorn
  • Star ice cream
  • Cadbury's five star
  • Nanna's creative stories on how the rats left sweets for me and my little bro
  • Staging dharna at home to make nanna take us to a movie
  • Praying to God every evening to make our toy birds real
  • My lovely ‘Lily doll’
  • Bournvita and Horlicks
  • The soft touch of an infant
  • Scent of Johnson baby powder, baby oil, milk, the baby scent
  • Hopscotch
  • Making love in the rain
  • Gudiya ki shaadi and the goodies that we got at my doll's marriage feast
  • Birthdays and new clothes
  • The smell of brand new books
  • Pocket money
  • Greeting cards
  • Key chains with names engraved
  • The scent of the agarbatti
  • The chiming of the temple bells
  • Delicate anklets and toe rings
  • Nail polish, and lipstick
  • Kaajal and kumkum spread on to the face
  • Amma's rustling silk sari
  • Bell earrings
  • My first lemon yellow and brown churidaar
  • A cute, white, soft, cuddly puppy
  • An hour-long oil massage, and bath
  • The scent of the sambrani...
I miss all these and many more. And I miss the happiness. I miss the small joys of life. I miss being happy. I miss being myself. I miss my childhood. I miss being loved. I miss everything. I miss my loved ones. I miss my friends. I miss the long walks and talks. And I miss you!

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