Monday, August 4, 2014

A toast to my virtual presence

Dear You,

Yes, I know who you are. And I know that you know who I am. Maybe virtually. Maybe I know your face and you know mine - even if it is only because of the profile pictures. I might remember your name because of your frequent updates. I'm not so active on social networking. So I won't be surprised if you cannot put a name to my face or vice-versa.

Times are changing, aren't they? We sat next to each other a while ago and even carried out conversations you say? Do I remember any of it? I don't suppose so, but let me admit that I do admire your memory and your perseverance. Is that what it is? Perseverance because you don't seem to give up! You try to push yourself into my memory and monkey around there. You're adamant about staying put there.

But what if I want none of it? Is it even possible? I dread to think... my life seems meaningless without those meanderings, peeks and peeps into your life. And yours. And yours. It is almost as if I cannot exist without you. Without your virtual presence, should I say? I know what you're doing. And where you're doing what you're doing. I even know how you're doing what you're doing. It's information overload, you say? Do you want to apologize? Oh no, please! It's all very important to me. It's not about you. It's about me. I need to know what each of you is up to. Lest I cannot digest my food. I cannot sleep for God's sake. I need to peep into everything, and everyone's life, around.

You're asking about my life? Well... does it even matter? Not to me, I'm afraid! I just do what I am best at doing. SULK. Sulk because my life is not going the way yours is going. Oh yours is so bloody brilliant and fantastic and colourful. I try to copy, to imitate, to at least fake part of it. But I fail miserably! And I retreat - crying! Wallowing in self-pity.

You say you bought that brand new tab that I've been eyeing and saving up through my nose for the past God-knows-how-many-months! Oh how I hate you - but only secretly, mind you! I cannot really show that hatred online you see. You've to come to terms with fake love and admiration if you want our virtual friendship to continue, blossom and become meaningful - in the virtual world. I don't really care if you're my friend once I log out. Do I? Let me see! Looks like I don't! But this charade has to continue.

Did you say you are wondering about your choice of your next car? Me aside: "Oh God, you have one effing family car already. Why the hell do you need it, show off?" On your wall: "Wow... amazing! I think you should go for this because of these these these reasons. And congratulations in advance. Lucky person. I'm so happy for you."

My life sucks. I'm trying still... I'm trying to adjust my lifestyle and my profile pictures and my status updates to match yours. You had a sizzler last week? Big deal! I had two continental and one Chinese nights last week. See, I'm definitely better than you! Oh God, but you're buying that posh new camera. Since when did you start showing interest in taking pictures? Oh it's for the selfies you say? Maybe now I'll eat only one meal a day and try saving up more money to buy a better camera than yours for my future selfies.

Hey, which grooming parlour do you go to for that glow on your face and the shine on your hair? I cannot seem to be able to get a freaking hair colour from the supermarket near home, and go to the next door beautician to get my bloody grey hair covered... Looking young is the in-thing you feel! Now how can I admit openly that I don't earn as much as you do but I'm compelled to maintain a lifestyle on par with you. On weekends you eat at plush places while I do the laundry at home and iron my clothes on my own because I cannot afford the expenses. Also, mind you, I'm a mother and a wife. I've duties, you see. So my inability to take care of myself and be(have) as cool as you can be easily camouflaged with fake pictures of me laughing with my only child and click a selfie in a side angle so my grey hair and uncared for skin don't become prominent. My child's innocent smile is what captures everyone's attention. And voila, my profile pictures are also well taken care of!

You don't seem to understand this double-life I'm leading... but let me tell you this. Look into yourself and you'll see what I mean. Because this is exactly what you're doing too! We're all mirrors of the mirrors - reflecting off each other and behaving like this is life. Maybe this is life. Who am I to complain, after all? So let's still be friends in the virtual world and praise one another outwardly. See you soon (with another update about how effing good my own life is - doesn't matter if my real existence is in complete contrast to my virtual presence). Take care. Muaahhh (something I've learnt to do a lot in my virtual world).


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