Between now and forever!

I had always read, and believed, that love is an ephemeral feeling. It's strong one moment and gone the next. And so sometimes I even have a doubt whether it's true to say "I love you forever"... (like the protagonist of the Telugu movie Orange says); "I love you now" is the right phrase, I guess, in these tricky times! 

Also I somehow used to think you can only love people, or pets at the most! But last night was a shocking revelation for me - when I was shedding copiously bitter tears for something less valuable than life! Then I tried recollecting when was the last I cried for/ over material possession(s), and I could hardly count 10 instances - and most of them belonged to a different age and era (read when I was a child)!

• When I lost my favorite pencil at school
• When one of my artificial earrings (a gift from a cousin) fell into a drain and I knew my dad was never going to buy me another pair as I was allergic to metals other than silver and gold :(
• When an ice-cream vendor "stole" my 10-paise coin and refused to give me ice gola :-/
• When my brother broke my toy in anger
• When I lost my engagement ring soon after marriage :P
• When I lost two of my precious rings (a pearl one bought with my scholarship money and a diamond one bought by hubby dear on my first birthday after marriage)

I think that's about it. I didn't even shed a tear when there was a big dent on my brand new car within a week of taking it out. I didn't feel bad when we had to sell the same car a couple of years later. I don't remember suffering silently about disposing of our first flat in Hyderabad as I realized we'll not be able to go back there ever again - my daughter's corporate school and our respective offices were located at a pretty convenient distance from our new rented apartment.

However, I do remember a few instances where I cried into my pillow through the night - sometimes for nights together. The incidents almost always were related to a sense of loss - a relationship, a to-be-born, a sibling, a parent. Or when I had a serious fight/ argument with someone that made me cry out in helplessness and frustration.

But those were about differently difficult and complicated things, and revolved around a loved one. And this reason was different. It was all about a brick-and-mortar-and-four-walls structure which we were thinking of putting up for sale. I had hardly spent a year in that place. Still... just the thought made me nervous and experience the same sense of loss all over again!

I guess it's not because of a return of love for material things but more because my subconscious mind sends me a warning signal - of an impending break of a bond/ a strong tie... Hmmm and why not! The house is my only connection with the city I was born in, spent my childhood, adolescence and the prime of my adulthood, made friends, had relatives, got married, had a child, saw things that are good or bad, witnessed growth and destruction spanned over 35 years - both in terms of personal life and the city itself.

Can you really be so possessive about some silly material possession that you stop caring for the person sitting next to you, trying to reason out with you and comfort you? Not really. It's surely not about the four walls... it's about the bonds that are set to break. Sad but true... and I'm "human" after all :)

And precisely for that - for reminding me of my love for the city, my affection for my friends, and my human(e) personality - I love you forever my sweet abode! And it's adieus - sooner or later!

To SR... with love!

The day almost ended. So it has come and gone.... Another Friendship Day. But was I supposed to make some extra effort on my part to make it special, unlike other days, I wonder! Then, I'm sorry I didn't. Oops, maybe I shouldn't exist after this day for not being a proper-and-active part of the new era! 

And that makes me wonder if Friendship Day of the current era is limited to a couple of lines to drive home friendly wishes (loud and clear) to loved/ dear/ dahling friends, and acknowledgments/ likes/ same-to-you-toos on popular social networking sites, SMS exchanges, and a few calls from my own close friends wishing me 'A Very Happy Friendship Day' (which, by the way, slipped out of my mind completely)...

Just when I was wondering about all this, a whiff of fresh air brought in fond memories of SR, a very very close childhood friend of mine. Now what do I say about her... except that she has seen me in my teen years, and shared all my secrets and insecurities, joys and sorrows, has grown with me during the three years in Indo-English High School where we studied Std. VII to Std. IX together. 

She was privy to all important information of my teen life like my first crush on my classmate - a tall, dark Muslim boy who used to remind me so much of Azharuddin; the next one on my senior for whom I would wait near the school gate and all he ever did was lift his eyes and just give me a shy smile before cycling away. Oh yes, my crush on my Maths teacher in ninth class never caught her unawares. Only recently did I get to know (from SR herself of course) that I had a contender in another classmate (who was fairer and taller than I) for the same teacher's attention... :) And yes, SR even knew about my first love. She was my first Best Friend for all purposes.

But then, like all good things that come to an abrupt end, our blossoming friendship had to discontinue because of dad's transfer to another city. We used to write letters once a while for a few months but new surroundings, new friends, ensuing new college environment, and then the additional burden of semi-adulthood did come between us. But we did meet a couple of times, after dad's transfer back to Hyderabad three years later, and exchanged information on what we're doing currently. And then, that was it. We lost touch completely. I guess I never really forgot my best friend but I had many other friends too... and I sometimes used to think about her and wonder where have I lost her and how do I find her in this big bad world...

I guess my attempts to trace her were never adequate. SR beat me to it too - like she used to in good ol' days with her logical analyses. Here I must admit that I somehow was reckless and never really tried to look her up and connect with her on any social networking site though I was active on a few for the past few years. But she never gave up on me. She kept relentlessly trying to trace me eversince we lost touch some two decades ago - though the only details she had of me were my name (the spelling of which changed later), maiden surname (which changed after my marriage), my father's name and work info. That's about it. And still she pursued it - using the most modern technology... the powerful medium called Internet.

I never really understood the power of the Internet till I received an email recently, forwarded by a cousin late one evening. Like most non-techies, I took the Net for granted and kind of (ab)used it just to socialize with friends, and to keep tabs on others' lives. Disgusting? Yeah, you bet! But my respect for people who're behind the IT revolution grew many-fold when I received the best email forward that put me on cloud nine. 

It was from SR. All the crucial information which she thought would help her didn't do her any good. Then she made her final move... instead of trying to find me, she traced a couple of my cousins (thanks to the celebrity writer status of my maternal uncle) and sent them emails introducing herself and asking for my details. Both my good samaritan cousins promptly forwarded her email to me. My smart younger cousin even sent me her FB profile. Thanks to them, and thanks to my friend's perseverance, energy, and dedication, we got back in touch again. 

And our re-union in Hyderabad during this summer vacation was one of the sweetest memories that I'll cherish forever, and carry with me to my grave. So, Mr. Charles Babbage, I thank thee from the bottom of my heart! 

For you SR, I have just these three simple, little words - love you hamesha! And on this Friendship Day, I dedicate this post to you, your amazing personality, and your truly undaunted spirit !!