Powerful fatal attraction :-)

I never understood the meaning of shores lapping against my feet. Not all these years that I visited different beaches at different places. Not till I moved to Gopalpur-on-sea. The first two days at the Gopalpur beach were pretty normal though - I didn't get into the sea at all. I still couldn't escape the sand sprayed by the wind all over my hands, hair, face and clothes. I could feel the humidity in the air, the temperature cooling down, sultry-sweaty feel that almost drove me crazy, the saltiness in the water, and the sound of the lashing waves.

All I did during the first two visits was sit on the steps and watch the sea - just watch greedily. Or was I lusty and thirsty? Like the way you look at the face of your first love as a teenager. You want to hold him but are hesitant. You just have this insatiable longing to look at your beloved forever, and ever and ever! I was kind of feeling the same way. I am in love with the sea. I love water, I love the waves, I love the foam, the greenish-blue shade of the water, the orange-red glow of the sunset reflected in the water, and everything else that goes with it.

There's one thing about the sea, the water and the waves. The more you look at them, the more endearing they become. As the waves run towards you, to touch your feet, you get the overwhelming feeling of watching a baby crawling fast to hold your legs asking to be lifted up and held close. It's like hearing a toddler who is just learning to speak saying 'Hello Hello Hello' and going in circles around you. :-)

So there I was just watching as ever. This was my 4th trip to the beach in the past 3 days. And I could feel this powerful and fatal attraction pulling me to the sea. I could resist it no longer. I had to feel the water, not just sit and watch. I needed the touch of the water. I walked slowly and carefully towards my love (first or forever - I cared no more). And I needed the warmth of the water surrounding my feet. It felt like the first warm-loving hug you get after a long separation. And what can I say about the feel of the wet sand under my feet... it's almost like the first kiss - wet-dry-wet... :-)

And that's the sea and the beach for you - for now. There's more to come, with each of my experiences and observations. Keep reading!

A man's woman!!!

Today is one of my first cousin's 14th marriage anniversary! I called her up this morning to wish the lovely couple on their journey together so far. This cousin was married to my bro-in-law of 14 years in the summer of 1995, on June 7 when the temparature of Vijayawada was at its hottest best. I do remember quite a few images of my cousin as the bride-to-be, newly wed beautiful bride, and the picture perfect couple just after their wedding.

That got me thinking again, and I spent the rest of the morning wondering what could be the secret(s) behind a successful-and-happy marriage! Life definitely is not a fairy tale where the couple just live happily ever after without their own share of fights, misunderstandings, no-talk-no-touch moments.

I kept wondering if it's her easy-going nature, beautiful smile, twinkling eyes and talkative nature that ensnared my jiju forever. Or is it his witty remarks, excellent sense of humor, understanding nature and his protective attitude towards her and their children that kept her mesmerized. :-) I still wonder in amazement! And I think I kind of know the answer!

The first time I met her four years after her marriage (and just a month after my wedding), she was seven-months pregnant with her second child - impatient, ill-tempered, and irritated with her first toddler-son. Supportive as ever, my jiju brushed aside her temper tantrums attibuting it to pregnancy blues.

The second time I met her was two-and-a-half years after her daughter was born. Jiju got a job in Hyderabad and they shifted to the city after a 6-year-long stay at Ahmednagar. On a Friday afternoon, I went a-visiting her place in Mettuguda. And the first thing I noticed was that she has mellowed down a bit, and was more at peace with everything and everyone. No more temper tantrums either! She was happy to feed me a sumptuous lunch, while taking care of her children's needs and demands, and exchanging news and gossip in between. Good, nothing has changed much. Our relationship weathered the test of time, and temper!

There were these little things about her that caught my attention all the time I was there - which was a good 5-6 hours well spent :-) She said nothing much in words, but her actions and expressions were what I was observing, and making a mental note of - quite unconsciously though! Despite the 7-year gap between this post and the actual happenings back then, I still remember the sights and words quite vividly as if it it were yesterday.

Gawd, how time flies without much effort on our part!! The wall-clock indicated it was 6 p.m. and it was time for my jiju's return. I was suddenly aware of the flurry of activity that interrupted our quiet conversation so far. Though she was doing things slowly, and quite naturally, trying not to let anything impact me, I couldn't help feel the excitement in the air, and notice the change in her body language.

She was suddenly doing a whole bunch of things simultaneously - I don't quite remember the order of the events but I did retain most of the information & visuals that my mind captured. She washed her face, changed into a soft cotton sari, applied moisturizer and powder, made fresh decoction, got the kids ready, started making preparations for dinner, cleaned up the house and the bed, put the toys back in the shelf -- all this and a few more errands too!

I learnt a very valuable lesson that day - without her uttering a word. Being sensitive to your spouse's needs & likes is very very vital for a successful marriage. And so are dressing up for him, and doing stuff (once a while at least) just to make him happy.

Without her knowledge, she paved the way for a change in my outlook, perspective, and thought process. Without my own knowledge, I started changing - for the better! And I guess I never stopped learning and improving since! Am I on my way to becoming a 'Man's woman' completely? Maybe!!

Happys Endings!!!

It was like any regular Thursday evening in June. A scorching hot, sultry summer evening. Bhowes, Amoo and me had planned to go shopping to Park Lane & General Bazaar that day. Our girl gang's shopping sprees like this one are usually planned well in advance - to ensure nothing goes wrong or amiss. :-)

I was already running late and the autowallahs are at their bargaining best. Either they don't want to go to Madhapur or they want Rs. 150-Rs. 200. Little S was with me too - hungry, sleepy and on the verge of being cranky. After a traumatic 20-minute wait, I was grateful to this autowallah who was willing to take me to office (where I was supposed to meet my friends) on meter.

The only problem was he had his friend sharing the driver's seat with him, but I was still okay considering the agonising wait, and the heat, if I didn't take that auto. It turned out this auto-driver was a true descendant of some noble family with a lot of self-respect. And he thought very highly of himself too, I must say!

The more I wanted him to go faster, the more adamant he was about going slow and driving carefully. Sometimes he would chat away on his cool Made-in-China mobile that his friend held near his ear, and sometimes he would just turn his head and chat away with his friend in a funny mix of Hindi and Marathi. The result: me losing my temper a couple of times at the driver, and at little S for distracting me. And yes, what was a normal 25-minute-drive added another 15 minutes to the travel time thanks to the talented driver.

So there we were finally with just 5 mins left to catch the 5.45 p.m. cab to Park Lane. Amoo dumped her heavy backpack in our cab and was driving down on her Activa (oh, btw, I really like Amoo's red helmet). S had a lot of fun on the way - sitting in the back seat and making faces at Amoo who was following the cab, while also fighting with Bhowes who was sitting next to her.

We reached Park Lane, and I started hunting for water - by then S was too thirsty to let us shop in peace. I found this Chotiwala chaat bhandaar opposite the General bazaar lane, next to Mendes showroom, where I could possibly buy some water, and where we savored Pav Bhaaji and Samosa Chaat (which is served with Dahi and Sev, but no masala or ragda!!!) a little later.

It took me 5 mins to cross the road on that busy road and another 5 mins to cross back with a chilled Kinley water bottle. Princess S was at peace with the world with just two sips of the holy elixir. Wasn't Kareena right in Jab We Met when she says, "Yeh cola shola sab apni jagah hai. Paani ka kaam sirf paani kar sakta hai." And I don't miss even a single opportunity to repeat the line shamelessly. :-)

Ok done! Now just shop, shop, and shop. I picked up two dress materials in just 5 mins and was done - leaving Amoo extremely disappointed. Bhowes was still hunting for a dress material for her sis-in-law. Sri called her up in between to check if everything was okay. He also alerted Bhowes about cops receiving a tip about three terrorists / bomb squad (a woman among them) entering Hyderabad, and city being on a high alert with vehicles being checked at every few meters.

Once the news was confirmed, we were distracted and wanted to get home quickly. I still had to buy saris, and also pick up my new computer on my way home. Bhowes was too tired after a long day at work, and wanted to reach home ASAP. As soon as I got out of the computer showroom, she called to say she reached home safe. And she sounded pleasantly surprised, and excited.

It turned out to be a feel-good-story indeed! While Bhowes was on her way to Safilguda, a cop stopped her auto at the AOC Gate. A 30-something woman was standing next to him looking hassled. To my dear friend's surprise, the policeman apologized for stopping the auto, inquired where she was headed to, and politely requested her to drop the hassled woman on the way home. Hmmm!!! Touching!

Since when have Hyderabadi cops become so gentle and helpful, Bhowes kept wondering... But yes, the cop's concern about the lonely lady's safety in a deserted place definitely gave a nice touch to our fun-filled evening. All's well that ends well. Happys Endings!!

Forever sweet and shy!

I'm still not done with all the to-do lists that go with the major move in my life, especially the packing-and-transporting-my-stuff-to-Gopalpur bit. While discussing with Serish about how to transport the car, I was automatically reminded of Khadir.

Khadir was the guy who offered me my first sneak-peek into what Google transport is all about. A lanky young boy of about 19-20 with wheatish complexion, and a white uniform, this 5-feet-6 guy was the first experience I had with a cab driver - I never traveled by a cab to office before this.

So there I was, on the Monday morning of January 9, 2006 - my first day at Google - waiting for the office cab at 8.15 a.m. outside the gate of my apartment complex in Tolichowki. And Khadir was the first one I saw in the cab. He gave me a warm welcoming smile, and I instantly liked him.

Siddhartha, my cab mate, introduced him to me as Kabir. I liked his name too, and I used to call him by that name for more than a year. Not once did he correct me or tell me that his name is Khadir, and not Kabir. When my batchmate Nidhi pointed it out to me, I was quite surprised. When cornered, he smiled ever so shy, sweet, and enigmatic, and said, "It's okay Madam, aap mujhe Kabir bulalijiye, problem nahin hai." That's Kabir aka Khadir for you! Forever sweet and shy!

And Kabir was the first person I used to think of if I needed a driver at any point in time for my personal use. I was proud to be one among the very few people he would try to contact whenever he was in trouble, when he met with an accident, and when he lost his job. I still remember threatening the insurance guys with dire consequences if they don't release the insurance amount for his accident-hit vehicle soon. During one such episodes, when Serish suggested that he should probably contact MIM so his vehicle will be sent back home sahi-salamat, he brushed it aside with a vigorous shake of his head, a vehement NO and yet another enigmatic-sweet smile.

And I can never forget the near-death experience we had on the Vijayawada highway, about 70 kms away from Hyderabad. We were returning from Machilipatnam when we escaped this major accident, unscathed. On December 1st, 2006, we received the news of my aunt's death, and I rushed home immediately from work. And so did my brother. Mom, me, and bro decided to drive down to Machilipatnam in his Silver colored Maruti Alto.

I called up Kabir, but naturally, and asked him if he could send somebody who can drive us down to Machilipatnam and back. Kabir was just recovering from his recent accident. But he wasn't the one who would let us go with someone else. Despite me raising an objection considering his health, he wouldn't have any of it and was stubborn about taking us himself.

So, we set out on this long journey of 700 kms around 2 p.m. with Kabir behind the wheel. Everything was okay in spite of us being witness to a couple of horrible accidents on the highway. We stopped at Vijayawada, had dinner and finally reached Machilipatnam around 10.30 p.m. Kabir was tired and had to sleep in the car while mosquitoes just refused to stop singing in his ear.

At 11 a.m. next morning, after my aunt's body was taken for cremation, we set out on our return journey. After crossing Vijayawada, I was driving for a bit as my brother was too tired to drive. That was my first stint with highway driving, and I was driving at 100 kmph. God knows from where these two buffaloes came on to the road, racing. I probably would have rammed into the divider or into the vehicle in the other lane. Kabir just told me, "Madam abhi slow mat karna, aap accelerator dabaake rakhna, kissi ko kuch nahin hoga." And that's exactly what I did.

After driving about 132 kms, I was tired too. And it was Kabir's turn to drive us back to Hyderabad safely. As we were nearing Hyderabad, Kabir was trying to overtake an ambassador. It was too close and the margin was almost negligent but Kabir is an experienced driver. Or so I believed.

Unfortunately, a two-wheeler driver coming in the opposite lane didn't believe so! He misunderstood Kabir's move, and miscalculated his attempt to overtake the other vehicle. The scared driver lost control of his greenish-blue Bajaj Chetak and drove off into our lane, right in front of our car. Kabir swerved the car to the right missing the Chetak by inches. But the car hadn't stopped after that.

In a fraction of a second, we were in the opposite lane with headlights of speeding vehicles coming closer, and our car was just going in circles on the spot. But Kabir just kept at it. He literally had to stand on the break and clutch to control the vehicle. I was 100% sure that we're not going to make it to the city. I closed my eyes, put my head between my knees, and screamed with fear as I saw images of my husband and daughter waiting eagerly for my return. I didn't want to die. Not that day at least!

That day (December 2nd) happens to be my daughter's 4th birthday. And I've not seen her the whole day. Our pretty little princess had participated in a play at her school annual function that evening. And I missed seeing her on stage during her first-ever performance. Earlier in the day, when I called up Serish, she was cranky and crying, refusing to eat or participate in the play. It took a lot of patience and convincing on part of the teacher to get her on to the stage. Will I be alive to see at least the video of the function that my husband promised to record?

All I knew at that point was that Kabir is still trying his best to control the vehicle and save us at any cost. The next thing I saw was the car rotated yet again and was fast approaching a huge tree on the side of the road. And then, it stopped suddenly - almost in a filmy way - within a few inches of the tree, with one tyre off the road completely. Kabir's sigh of relief was all that I could remember for the rest of my journey.

After he dropped us home, an apologetic expression in his eyes, his lips mumbled a few feeble words - "I'm sorry madam. Meri galti nahin thi. Aap phir kabhi mujhe nahin bulayenge na!" And with that his face fell, and he left. A few days later, when I paid him for the trip, he refused to accept the money - he was still feeling terrible about the whole incident. But I'm more stubborn than him. And I won, as always!

Kabir is definitely a winner, though! A winner of hearts, people, friends! He still sends me an SMS to wish us for Diwali, and I call him up for Ramzan to wish him and his family. If he wasn't half as genuine and sweet as I know him to be, my ex-cab mate Siddhartha would not have probably helped him buy his own Indica by paying the amount towards down payment. Yes, after spending 3+ years at this organization and having seen all kinds of drivers, I must say Kabir is definitely a charmer! And I still miss him sometimes.

(I lost my mobile recently and with it all his contact numbers. If anyone reading this post knows who I'm talking about and can give me his contact details, I'd really appreciate your help).

A tale of two dreams...

This is a tale of two lives and two dreams brought together by destiny.

Like all good stories, this one too begins on a cheerful note, before reality strikes! And yes, like always, there are a bunch of twists and turns thrown in, before letting the story end with the lovely couple walking into the sunset holding hands! :-) So, here we go:

Once upon a time... not more than a decade ago, there was a handsome groom, and his beautiful bride. As the newly-weds set out to start the journey of their life together, they envisioned and nurtured a dream of acquiring a few material things in the next 10 years of their life ahead.

Buying a car, a house, a glass-top dining table, a big LCD TV, Bose home theatre system, a sleek and funky mobile, a computer, a high-end laptop, a digital SLR camera, a comfortable sofa set, and an ultra luxurious SUV were included in the list of their must-owns.

But somehow, the process of acquiring new things never gave them a sense of achievement they were looking for. The satisfaction they experienced was momentary too. And their thirst for achieving something bigger and better was growing along with all their responsibilities.

Oh, I forgot to add that alongside this list they had two passions in life that bound them together for over a decade, and made their relationship grow stronger over the years -- it was the two dreams they shared.

Yes, you guessed it right. The story is about S and me, and our dreams of adopting a child and adopting a village.

Adopting a child was on the top of our list when we just got married but this took a backseat since little S happened unexpectedly :-) So, we had to wait for a little longer than we had initially planned. When we sat and thought about this some time back, to understand if we are really still keen on adopting a child, we realized that we do feel strongly about adoption - the passion is still intact even after so many years - which is good! And yes, it's happening sometime soon, maybe in the next one year or two.

Adopting a village - and changing it for the better - was our long-term goal. We've been romancing this dream of starting a non-profitable school for rural children (who don't have most facilities that an urban kid has access to), teach them the ABCs & the 123s free of cost, and help improve their living conditions; basically 'catching the kids young' is what we're aiming at by stressing the importance of primary education in rural India. This too was relegated to the background for a while because we couldn't change our lifestyle completely with a small child to take care of, and we were still coming to terms with two deaths in the family in quick succession.

The more seriously we started thinking about these dreams in the past year or so, the more eager and restless we were becoming. And that passion forced us to make our final decision - of taking the bold step of quitting our jobs and moving to a rural village in Orissa. Why Orissa? Because Orissa and Bihar are pretty backward in terms of primary education (we've personally seen many fisherfolk children play in the sea throughout the day and help their parents catch fish & sell it rather than going to school). Orissa is a lot safer and people are open to newcomers and new ideas. Plus Serish's family has been living there for generations!

So, we're bidding a farewell to urban life and moving over to rural Orissa in a week from now. As a first step towards this move, we purchased some land about 16 kms from Berhampur (the nearest railway station). And the first step towards breaking free from the urban shackles is obtaining TC for little S from the plush school she was going to for the past 3 years where we were paying around 75k per year towards her fee (this year we would have had to shell out 84k had we continued). :P And, trust me, it was a major decision we were making and we spent many sleepless nights before mustering the courage to go ahead and apply for her TC.

Sounds like a cool retirement plan, eh! I wonder how many people would dream of retiring with just 12 years of work-ex? Am I happy doing this? Of course I'm! The glow on my face, the fire in my eyes, the passion in my words sums it all up :-) And, for once, I can say with pride that we're done with chasing money. We're pursuing what we want to do - not what others want us to do! I still can't fathom the sense of satisfaction and achievement this is going to give us in the next few years.

I agree that I feel a lot more courageous and adventurous now than I was a few years ago. I'm shifting there with my daughter who will join St. De Paul's school there, and start life anew managing things all by myself while S continues to work in Hyderabad for a little while longer. Once the construction of our new house in Gopalpur is completed, amma is also going to shift, followed by S.

Our school will not be started immediately though. Initially, we just have to do a lot of groundwork for the final execution on our 10-year-old dream. Two-three years down the line, we'll be all set to start this non-profit school (there will be almost no fee charged from economically backward students - the idea is to get them attracted to the idea of education, and attending school - we plan to provide them one meal a day at least, etc etc).

We've a few plans in place on how we want to work towards a constant source of income to support our school and our life as well. I don't want to discuss anything about it right now because it might undergo a 360-degree change. We still have nothing concrete in place.

So, that's our story for now. And this is serious. I know when my mom mentioned it to our relatives, they didn't believe it. They still don't believe us, considering the kind of jobs/companies we're in currently, and the kind of salaries we draw every month. Money and material comforts don't matter to us anymore. They did for a bit, but they never will in the future. It does nothing to help us live peacefully or give us a sense of satisfaction - of giving back something to the society.

It's very easy to question what has the society done for me, but it's very difficult to trade out everything you have at stake to give back to the society. And, we're treading that path right now, and leaving behind everything -- a "well-paid cushy job" as friends often put it (with its free food/ transport, paid trips abroad, caring employers, amazing perks & peers, bonus, stocks), "the urban world" (that offers modern lifestyle, material comforts, entertainment avenues, hang-out places), and "my hometown" (yes, I spent 30-plus years of my life in Hyderabad) to "adopt a village" in the true sense, and help empower others.

And THAT to us is like our life time achievement award. The day a few students I taught ABC come back to me and say 'I'm in this position today because of you', I'll have fulfilled the purpose of my life/living. Because I strongly believe that if you can't live your dreams, there's no point in living. Period!

Thus ends the story of two dreams! And the couple is going to live happily ever after! Sayonara!!!

Of relationships, and regrets!!!

Of all the things in life that need nurturing and caring, relationships are the most valuable - they're fragile, they're vital, they're delicate, they're complicated, and they're the cause for joy or regret. It's been two years exactly since my only sibling breathed his last in my lap. And then started my own struggle to come to terms with a whole lot of things.

Guilt more than grief took over me for the first few months. I regretted each fight I had with him all my life; I regretted the exchange of choicest gaalis, the heated arguments we had; I regretted all the tight-lipped no-talk-no-contact-I-hate-you times; and I hated myself for every bit of each word I chose ever so carefully to hurl at him in a fit of rage... it's killing... this is like slow poison.

Another of life's lessons well learnt!!! Never let your life come to a point where you're deep in remorse or regret. Never fight with anyone you love. Life is too short to get angry, and, worse, hold grudges. We're so caught up with ourselves, and with the race we're aiming to win that we forget what we're doing, where we're going; we forget to stop, think, take a deep breath, and then LIVE. Now, come to think of it, I find it very funny when I observe people - they don't have enough time to live and to breathe peacefully, so where exactly do they get the time to think about others' faults and hate them for their follies!

Standing in the dining room of Anuraag Old Age Home-cum-orphanage for Mentally challenged children at Tolichowki, while overseeing the lunch being served (sponsored by my mother in memory of her only son), I could feel the rush of varied thoughts, and juxtaposed images, combined with suppressed emotions, and tears welling in my eyes choking me deep down.

I still regret all those times I stopped speaking to my brother because of some silly fight or serious misunderstanding! Now I've words, emotions, feelings, memories but NO brother to share them with. So I make it a point to tell everyone who cares to listen - don't waste your love by keeping it to yourself, just express it, just give it away - not only will you feel better but the world becomes so much more better, and beautiful. Also, never waste your anger on anybody else - you're only losing a relationship by winning an argument.

Back home, there are clothes, books, papers, toys and random stuff scattered all around... which makes me wonder - is it actually the house of a stickler for cleanliness like me? Friends who've known me for donkey's years find it extremely surprising, and almost unbelievable!! But I know the reason for this change! I prefer a person to an argument won. I prefer people to four walls. So, what do you prefer?

Letter to a lost soul...

Please forgive me I know not what to do
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me if I need you like I do...

Hi Thammudu,

How've you been? Is life (after death) treating you all right? Is there a life after death? I don't believe in one though! Amma says if I have another child, a son probably, it'll be you re-born. So, she wants me to have another child. But I don't want you to be re-born. I know you're happy wherever you are and you've found the ultimate peace you were looking for in vain here. I don't want you to be born again and suffer. I'd rather you live in our memories forever.

That fateful May 31st night still feels like yesterday... I can still see you fighting the pain - was it passing from your heart to your hand? You didn't let me touch your left shoulder when I wanted to lift you up and make you drink some water. Was it very painful? I can only remember the pain in your eyes and the vague expression on your face. And your attempt to grip my fingers with your right hand. I can only see those moments still.

Did you know that we actually made calls from your cell, spoke to the doctor, and rushed you to the hospital in a cab that came to drop a call-center employee at the apartment complex? Did you know that Serish came running down while you were trying to tell me something? He tried to lift you but couldn't. We literally had to drag you into the lift. Yes my bro, you were a well-built fellow. Then why did this happen so suddenly?

Do you even remember that you were in our laps when your heart stopped beating? I didn't waste any time in getting you to the hospital. I still remember the rush, the anticipation, the anxiety, the pain, the frightened look, the honking -- all in just 12 mins on the way to the hospital.

Everything is vague though, and I don't remember much of the journey in the cab. But I do remember a few sights and sounds... the horrified look on amma's face, her silent weeping, the touch of your supple body, your heavy breathing, the foam dripping down your lips, your heart beating slowly and then stopping. Hey, do you know that I was hitting you to wake you up? I was beating you so much that I thought you'll retaliate any moment. It was the first time I hit you without getting beaten up in return. Good no! You fool, why couldn't you beat me back? Why didn't you lift your hand - was it too difficult?

I think it was our last journey together! Oh no, not really. It was the brave me that travelled home with your body - I don't know how, where and when I got that courage in me. Amma and Nanna refused to get into the ambulance with you. I didn't want to leave you alone in your journey onward. I had to hold your hand, and let you know that I'm there - forever and always. I loved you so much no. And so did you, right! Did you feel my love at that point? I doubt it, you just lied there head to toe covered in a white cloth. I didn't know how to pull the cloth off your face. I was only looking for your hand to hold and I was happy to find it finally - cold though it was! Was it the AC in the ICU that turned you so cold?

Memories, memories and more memories... Sitting in the ambulance I had flashes of our times together... of how I would climb on to a chair to move the jhoola while you were sleeping innocently - the baby that you were. Amma would just tell me, 'don't disturb thammudu, just swing the jhoola if he moves or cries'. And that exactly was what I always did. Even that day, in the ambulance, I didn't disturb you... I just wanted you to sleep peacefully while I held your hand.

Hey bro, can you still sing Phoolon ka taaron ka for me? I think you can and I can hear it in my head. Do you remember that you hit me on my head with stones a couple of times? Once amma almost killed you for hitting me like that - there was blood on my head and amma got scared. And you used to give me so many gaalis - you should probably wash your mouth and tongue with dettol. Filthy boy! Where all you learnt those gaalis only you should know!!!

There were times when we fought, and made up in no time but there were times when we wouldn't talk for weeks together. Still, we would convey our love for each other in 100 different ways, right! How are you going to convey your love now? After two years of no see, no touch, no talk? Find out a way idiot, like you always did!

Life's not the same without you. And yes, things have changed in the last two years. And there are things you don't know and you've not seen! You didn't see the Philips 26" LCD TV we bought... And then the Bose Home Theatre system. You really liked the one at your friend's house no! You would have absolutely loved this. And 2 months back we bought another 46" LCD TV - Samsung this time. Yeah yeah I know you like Sony better but the colors look artificial in that. I didn't like it. I'm sure if you see our new TV you'll agree that this is better. :)

But yes, we sold off your favorite Sony music system. And I lost your camcorder in the office :( (but you were the careless one in the house and lost many more things since childhood... your new red toy car, school shoes, hawaii chappals, sweater, school bag, raincoat... the list is endless no...) You can't fight with me now okay, because I just lost one camcorder, brother, and father !!!

Hey, you've not seen my nose ring either. Yes boy, I got my nose pierced and I've a diamond nose ring. I bought a nice diamond nose-ring for amma also. I don't know if she's happy with it but she called up all her sisters and told them about it. Yes, yes, she's still the same. We got her eyes tested last week and got her new spectacles. And yesterday she was cribbing about them. hehehe! But I want you to know that I'm taking care of her - and I'll continue to do my best to keep her happy. Trust me I'm keeping my temper under control when I'm around her. I'm not fighting with her much anymore.:-) Are you happy, and proud of me?

And yes, you've not seen our new flat. It's done up nicely. You'd have loved it like all my friends did. Your tastes and mine are more or less similar, right. You remember that Kamal Hassan movie Guna which only both of us liked and all our cousins thought we're weird. Probably we were na. And yeah, you've not seen amma's new flat either :(. It's in the B Block of the same Tirtha 4 Seasons complex that Subbu and you wanted to buy a flat in but ended up buying a plot of land instead as that Tirtha fellow was quoting a lot, right!

BTW, we sold that plot of yours - we didn't have a choice you see, nanna was in the hospital and we needed money. Who'll know it better than you that I didn't want to approach anybody for money. But I couldn't save him either thammudu. I hope you know I tried - I really did but couldn't. So, now it's just amma and me, and you both in our memories...

Oh yes, I have to tell you this. I'm moving out of Hyderabad next week. No no, not to New Zealand - not without you. It was your dream to immigrate there right! Do you remember the school for rural children dream that Serish and I had? Yes, we're going to execute it now. I don't feel like staying in Hyderabad anymore... these memories are haunting me. I'm planning to start an educational trust in your name -- the girl who lost her dad when you joined Infy and whose education you sponsored for 6 years saw your photo in the obituary ad in DC and came to the place where we were doing the ceremonies. She cried a lot, you know! That's when I got the idea of starting a trust and giving a scholarship every year to needy deserved students. You like the idea??? My instinct says that you do.

And you better know that you're still alive... each time Little S looks at a plane and screams 'Bye Mama' waving out to the unseen passengers (she thinks you're in America), we know you're alive; each time she eats something because her mama likes it, we know you're alive; each time she says 'Ice Ice Baby' and demands for ice cubes, we know you're alive; each time she croons 'Thanda thanda cool cool' while we apply powder on her back, we know you're alive. So what if you're not with us right now, you're with us in our thoughts and memories forever, and ever and ever.

So long farewell.... Be good and be happy!

Lots of love,
Akka