Monday, February 15, 2010

Ankhiyon ke jharokhon se...

... maine dekha jo saanware tum dur nazar aaye badi dur nazar aaye
Bandh karke jharokhon ko zara baithi jo sochne mann mein tumhi muskaaye...
Ek tere bharose pe sab baithi hoon bhool ke, yunhi umar guzar jaaye tere saath guzar jaaye...

What is love? Kya hai pyaar? I have been trying, unsuccessfully for years, to find the answer. The question keeps coming back to me every Valentine's Day (which has gained much significance and many commercial shades in the recent years). Okay, this is not about Valentine's Day.

This is about love actually! The various facets of this feeling, sentiment, emotion. I do not know what I'm seeking either. Except that I kept rediscovering love - many times over - in the past three decades. Each time I lost faith in this institution, miracles kept happening most unexpectedly to remind me that there's enough love in the world if you open your mind to welcome it. So here I am exploring love and its different angles.

When I was just a baby - my dad used to tell me at every opportunity - mom used to hold me in her lap and sit up the whole night so I don't wake up crying... isn't that love? When my baby brother was born, she made sure I had some exclusive time with him so I don't feel envious and deprived... I still remember his tiny pink fingers wrapped around my index finger, and the smile of recognition that dawned on his face when his eyes spotted any of us... wasn't that love?

When mom was angry with my bro and refused to give him food as punishment, I still remember the pain of a five-year-old sister when her brother's hunger showed on his teary face, the happiness of feeding him secretly in the kitchen, and braving mom's whacking with a contented smile later, scribbling silly sorry notes when mom ordered us not to talk to each other following a fight... if all these can't be described as acts of love, I wonder what else can be?

And, my whole perspective on love changed when I became a teenager. But of course! Love then acquired a new color, flavor, and meaning... everything turned more brighter, better, and meaningful (hmmmm!!!) when I tasted the sweetness of teenage love. With stars twinkling in my eyes, music reverberating in my ears, rhythmic dance moves in my steps, the world ceased to be the same... and I thought it was love - forever, and ever-lasting!

But it was not to be so. That was my first bitter experience of love, life, people, and relationships... the first time I lost love for life. Broken relationships are never easy to handle... especially if it's a precious seven-year-long one. And the ensuing misery is best forgotten...

It took an angel's gentle intervention to wipe my tears clean and walk me into the sunset, hand in hand. His love was not just a soothing balm on my wounds but it was the best and most beautiful experience of bringing together difficult and strangest permutation(s) of all kinds of love - fatherly, motherly, brotherly, friendly, loverly, husbandly, childly, sexual, Godly, lusty, angelic - arranged in an amazingly absurd and asymmetrical array, exclusively for me.

A generous dose of love, many words of care, a soothing touch, acts of affection, understanding, gratitude, a sprinkling of warmth, a splash of color(s), rose petals, moonlight, sunshine, moments of confusion, darkness, grief, loneliness, kindness, life's bitter-sweet offerings, purchases, sales, despair, hope, trust, confidence, lust, anger, depression, insecurity, spring, telepathy, tenderness, celebrations, compromises, sacrifices, separateness, memories, shared passions, and an eternity of togetherness later, love - I realized with satisfaction - is a beautiful package of many little things, prospects, actions, and words.

Love to me is not about who you want to live with, but it's more about who you cannot live without. So, I guess, I finally figured the answer too - however vague it might be! And I do know one thing for sure...

It is this love that still binds me to myself, to the world, to God, to relationships, to emotions, to life, and to everything that I can call bliss. And to that charming angel (no prizes for guessing who) I dedicate my pyaar-bhara post with a tear in my eye, blush on my cheek, happiness in my heart, and pleasure in each nerve and sinew...

P.S: I love you! (... Valentine's or no Valentine's)

8 comments:

Elke said...

Such a beautiful post Shanti!

Moo said...

Aaaaw. Beautiful. Love you Shanit!

Sheeba said...

Nice post Shanit :)

Ruthu said...

Bomma.. i love it... reading it gives you such a lovely warm cosy feel.. i guess just like love itself!

Usha said...

:) It is amazing that you can write about such a complex thing so simply! Very nice gift to your love, Valentine or no Valentine :p (sorry, cudn't resist that :D)

bhavani said...

Do I have words to say thank you? No. But still, bohot shukriya badi meherbani, meri zindagi mein huzoor aap ayey...

memories said...

awwwwww thank you so much everyone for all your encouraging words! I'll dedicate one page of my book to each of you when I become a great writer I promise - esp. sheebs with her "Nice Post Shanit'-s.
@bhavani - more blush!

Bhavani said...

Real Bhavani - better late than never.
Love it love it absolutely love it. Usha is right, this must be the best valentine gift anyone would have ever got. I don't know if it's a gift, talent, or experience, but you should know that everytime I feel low or lose faith in love, you appear like an angel and make me believe in it again. So, thank you for putting together such lovely aspects of love, life, togetherness, happiness etc etc etc..
love u,
Bhavs