Tumse achcha kaun hai...

EPILOGUE

So, with the last of this triangular series, we finally come to the end of all this one-sided verbal drooling that I had indulged in so far. And I'd like to thank everyone for being patient and seeing me through my euphoria.

I'd also like to add here that I regret leaving out some of his lovely gems like Deewana hua badal, Yunhi tum mujhse baat karti ho, Tumne pukara aur, Jo wada kiya, Udhar tum haseen ho, Tumse dur rehke, Mujhe kitna pyaar hai tumse, Bahut shukriya badi meherbani, and other favourites simply because they're duets.

Now, wouldn't you agree that it is way too difficult to pick out a handful of songs as "Top 10" when the other omitted melodies are equally enthralling?

I agree, as a couple of my readers pointed out, that anyone can probably sing Rafi saab's songs, but I'd still reiterate that nobody can do justice to the music, the lyrics, the inflection, the depth and the maturity in his voice, the intensity he brings into his renditions, and everything else that goes with each of his songs. None can match the style and the magical effect that only Rafi saab can bring to the lyrics.

Mohd. Rafi is certainly not like any regular playback singer. He is not a singer for the masses or those who prefer cheesy numbers. His songs are for maturer music lovers who appreciate good music and understand what a voice can do to music and lyrics. His songs may not be as catchy as those of his contemporaries (barring a few like Suku suku or Yahoo...). It's also probably a little difficult to accept, identify with, and like his songs as immediately as, for example, a Kishoreda's melody but the songs definitely grow on you with time. Once you let that happen, let the melody take over you, then there is no looking back.

Can any other singer beat his andaz, his inimitable style, and his love that oozes out of each syllable that he sings? His pyaar, mohabbat and their many synonyms are definitely and alarmingly much softer and better than those rendered by his countless counterparts. They tug at your heartstrings.

I wouldn't be too surprised if lyricists of yesteryear chose to write lyrics just for Rafi saab keeping in mind his smooth singing style - just the way scripts were written for certain heroes. Wouldn't the simple pleasure of hearing him breathe life into their lyrics, and immortalize their poetry, be inspiration enough for poets to write just for him? Especially if the result of their hard work is priceless! If I were a poet, I would probably be lured to write songs only and ONLY for Mohd. Rafi. Check out the lyrics of songs like Bahosh-o-hawaas mein deewana, Jaan-e-bahar husn tera bemisaal hai, O meri shahe khuban, Aye nargis-e-mastana, Hameen se mohabbat, Chehre pe giri zulfein kehdo to hatadoon main, and you'll see why!

Rafi is probably the only singer who can lead each word into the next so easily, effortlessly, and melodiously! Try listening to evergreen melodies like Hai duniya usiki zamana usika, Tumne kisiki jaan ko jaate huwe dekha hai, Bahut shukriya badi meherbani, and Aaj mausam bada beimaan hai, and you'll know what I mean. Truly speaking, bejaan rehgaye hum... :))).

One cannot deny that the intensity in his voice is far too mesmerizing to not get affected. Only a non-human can resist the out-of-the-world experience that his melodies offer. And when you're lost in the magical world the legendary singer has created specifically for you, don't you feel irritated and frustrated if some other voice tries to distract your attention, and pulls you out of your reverie?

I can still hear him croon ever-so-softly Tum mujhe yun bhula na paoge, jab kabhi bhi sunoge geet mere, sang sang tum bhi gun gunaoge - how very true indeed! What more can I say except Tumse nazar milaye ye kiski majaal hai... Wallah kamaal hai arrey wallah kamaal hai!

THE END

Bhala mano bura mano...

THE LIST

Okay, now comes the toughest part... and this time Rafi saab is singing Yeh na samjho ke har ek raah mein kaliyan hongi, raah chalni hai tho kaaton pe bhi chalna hoga... (Itni nazuk na bano) in the background. It feels good to know, though, that my favourite singer is still with me, pushing words of encouragement through my headset to my unsettled heart.

But before I present my list, let me confess that this is purely a personal choice, and it is not etched in stone-and-gold. Also, the list is random and the numbering is more for convenience than as an indication. Of course, my most favourite song remains the topmost song in the list(s).

And, I sincerely apologize to all Mohd. Rafi fans for daring to choose just a handful of songs while omitting the rest, and also for missing out on some other gems which you might think should have been included here. Anyway, here we go:

1. Jaan-e-bahar husn tera bemisal hai - Haye Haye kya baat hai! I could never fathom the three-pronged effect the song has on me - always! The pure joy of the lyrics, the lilting music and the mesmerizing voice - that's the best combination anyone could ever ask for.
2. Aaj mausam bada beimaan hai – and it remains beimaan through the time the master singer's voice creates ripples in your heart.
3. Chhoo lene do nazuk honthon ko – I know, I know it's about alcohol... but the intoxicating effect is irresistibly tempting. Sigh!
4. Aise to na dekho – Gasp gasp gasp!!! Can anybody else say it more convincingly and lovingly than him, I wonder! And my heart skips a beat each time Rafi saab sings Khoobsurat si koi humse khata ho jaaye...
5. Yeh reshmi zulfein - What can I say about this song? I almost always refuse to come out of my reverie when I listen to this masterpiece.
6. Baharon phool barsao - The beauty of the lyrics that come alive in Rafi's enchanting voice makes the song that much more endearing.
7. Dur rehkar na karo baat – Hmmm, how can one not feel vulnerable when the invitation is so very enthralling?
8. Chaudvin ka chand ho – I wonder if there's anyone else who can breathe life into the lyrics and make his beloved feel special, real, and beautiful.
9. Hameen se mohabbat - Arrey maar daala duhaaii duhaaii!! I like this song simply for the line Udhar tumne teer-e-nazar dil pe maara, idhar humne bhi jaan kar chhot khayi :). Oh God, really!
10. Tumne kisi ki jaan ko - I love this song just for his inflection especially when he sings meri jaan jaa rahi hai - if you pay attention to the way he renders the line after the second stanza (Ghabra rahi hai khudh bhi...) you'll know the kind of magic a singer can create with his inflection.

Here's another set of songs that kept flitting in and out of my list, but didn't make it to the Top 10:

1. Tu mere samne hai
2. Maine poocha chand se
3. Chaudvi ka chand ho
4. Aur kuch der thahar
5. Ye jo chilman hai
6. Nazar na lag jaaye
7. Hai duniya usiki
8. Tumne mujhe dekha
9. Aye phoolon ki rani
10. Tum jo mil gaye ho
11. Teri aankhon ke siva
12. Ba-hosh O hawaas mein
13. Maane na mera dil deewana
14. Yun rootho na haseena
15. Aye nargis-e-mastana

Do let me know your views. Keep those suggestions, comments, and additions coming!

To be concluded...

This post is dedicated to a close friend who's also a fan of Mohd. Rafi, and shares his birthday with the legendary singer :). Happy Birthday Aniket!!

Aasman se aaya Farishta...

PROLOGUE

Mohammad Rafi! The very name brings a smile on your face. And we don't usually wait for an occasion to talk about the great Rafi saab! But when the occasion happens to be his 85th birth anniversary (on December 24), can a crazy fan like me let go of the opportunity to pen down a few thoughts? And this three-part article - complete with a Prologue, the List, and the Epilogue - is my attempt to pay a sincere tribute to the "Farishta... pyaar ka".

I'm trying hard to collect my thoughts together, and focus my complete attention on what I'm going to write - without letting his husky voice engulf me, and make me lose track of everything else. But when Rafi saab is singing Bahut shukriya badi meherbani, Meri zindagi mein huzoor aap aaye... in the background, is it really possible to control my emotions and stop my mind from wandering, I wonder! So please forgive me if I go off tangent, once a while, and just babble.

I can almost feel his bliss when he says Main kya kahoon khushi se ajab mera haal hai... Now, when he sings Ba-hosh-O-hawaas mein deewana yeh aaj vasiyat karta hoon, yeh dil yeh jaan mile tumko mein tumse mohabbat karta hoon... you so totally want to believe those words. Without a doubt. Without a second thought. That's the magic of the legendary singer's voice.

Wait until he unleashes the full power of his voice on you, on a pleasantly quiet evening when you're feeling particularly romantic, and there's no escape from the ecstasy his soothing voice brings into your world.

All you have to do is close your eyes, relax, give in, let the voice tear you to pieces pushing you into a trance, and enjoy every bit of the sensation that sweeps in. Isn't everything else just pointless and absurd when an immortal voice helps you connect with yourself and transport you to another euphoric world? How can someone have such a divine-and-beautiful voice which sounds so eternally indestructible, I often wondered!

During one such inescapable escapades into my dreamy world, I thought about listing out the "10 best romantic songs of Rafi that I like." Trust me, it wasn't an easy pick - what the heck, just ten songs from among the thousands of gems that he sang? Impossible! After careful deliberation, I narrowed down my choice limiting it to just his romantic solos to make it easier for me. Fat chance, I realized sooner enough as I still struggled my way through the 2000-odd solo numbers Rafi saab has ever rendered.

Nevertheless, after a few weeks' dilemma, I finally mustered enough courage to make my choice. And I kept at it for the next few agonizing weeks by refining my list every now and then. Barring the few numbers I picked up first, the list kept changing ever-so-frequently - more based on my mood, I realized later with a tinge of bitterness - and left me frustrated.

To be continued...

Watch out this space tomorrow for a list of my favourite songs.

Things you can do when you turn 35

I just figured out that turning 35 isn't that bad after all. For one, it's not an everyday affair. Moreover, it has its own set of advantages I feel. Well, in my case at least there were quite a few benefits. Like figuring out and listing the top most interesting things one can do on one's special day, for instance. And here goes my list!

• Try to find ways to enjoy the most quietest and loneliest birthday ever.
• Just sit and sulk happily for the whole day without being disturbed.
• No job, no party, no cake - so no cake smashing too (thank God for small mercies) - and all this translates to no spending money! Yay yay! WINK!!
• Use your bad mood as an excuse for not cooking the whole day and use up all the left-overs from the fridge.
• Keep staring at the beach and behave like you're brooding over something meaningful and serious.
• Make a fuss, throw a tantrum, and tell everyone who cares to listen that the lack of company is driving you crazy.
• Answer all phone calls and emails non-enthusiastically triggering off the panic button in all your well-wishers.
• Secretly enjoy the many birthday wishes that keep coming your way through the day while behaving like your birthday is no big deal since you're getting old anyway.
• Raid the house of unsuspecting in-laws on the pretext of helping them with downloading the pictures of their grandchildren and let your daughter slip in that it's your birthday today.
• Sit on their computer downloading Picassa, Chrome, Skype and everything else you can while mom-in-law tries to make your day much more special by stirring up a kheer quick and yummy!
• Mutter a shy 'thank you, you didn't have to do this...' but enjoy the kheer anyway.
• Write nasty emails at the end of the day to friends who forgot to wish you and make them feel guilty for the rest of the year.
• Threaten whoever called you that you'll send headless horseman after them if they don't send a nice gift (wrapped in glittering pink giftwrapper with prominent red hearts and a flashy red ribbon) by speed post.
• Drift off into a dreamy sleep feeling elated and satisfied about the number of calls you received through the day - the more the number of calls, the more people love you and care about you!
• Now, do away with all the bad thoughts and ONLY think about people who care for you rather than those who deliberately hurt.
• And finally, fall asleep feeling very very contented with life!

Live life my way, just for a day!

It's that time of the year again when I start lamenting about a lot of things. No, it's not about getting old. Age issues have never been able to get me worked up or throw me off balance. Those who know me well know that I am not the one to be bothered about the age factor. I've always believed in aging gracefully and not hiding behind blushes, mascaras and colors or highlights to disguise my wrinkles or my gray hair.

It's certainly a complex phase of regret I go through religiously, same time every year - it's all about the time that has been wasted so far, the people I've lost, and a few relationships that turned sour or flat. Little do I realize each year how the status quo remains the same once it reaches an edgy plateau.

And there are times when I am awakened to a sudden shocking realization of envious glances, subtle insults hurled with an intention to hurt, use-and-throw attitude... among many other things. If only looks could kill, God knows how many times I'd have been murdered. Each time I note with regret the many words chosen carefully, measured with much care and thrown in casually. Some are direct, some are indirect. Some are enigmatic, some are straightforward. Some are innocent, some are venomous. Some are silly, some are vengeful.

But it's all there - for me to know, understand, interpret, and feel the hurt. Somehow, I refuse to fall for those tacky tactics.

'Why me,' is probably a helpless victim's reaction. 'Not me,' is the cry of a warrior. And I believe I'm the stronger one. I'm the warrior. I'm the rebel. I'm the cool cat. I'm the dare devil. Or am I, actually? Lost people, left career, changed lifestyle... what more can stand testimony to my nonchalant and noncommittal response to life, I wonder.

That explains why it actually makes me laugh, not hurt or wriggle in pain, when people who don't know or understand me try to throw their weight around... does it really affect me? Can there be victory if there's no opponent and no battle? So, who are they putting up a show for? What's their chance in front of all that fate had to offer me so far - unasked? If I have to carefully measure all my gains against my few losses, I'd still probably be part of "the poorest of the poor" brigade. What a sad prospect I say!

So I come up with my own silent protest, not quite withdrawing into the shell, and throw an even quieter challenge... I'm willing to trade everything that life and fate have given me until now with anyone who believes I've a better life, and luck, than them... what a thought! What a joke! Seriously. Take all my countless tears that I was forced to stop from slipping down for fear of losing someone else too!!

I really wait for that someone to take up the challenge and live life my way. Just for a day. I'm okay swapping places, sitting back, relaxing, and enjoying every moment of it while they struggle to walk the tight rope called life with half my sense of balance. I'm willing to leave my everything in the person's favor, till the last penny of my property (?), on one simple condition. Just bring me back the two most important people, whom I lost in quick succession, alive. Relationships and people are what I want. Give me back my people and take all the comforts money could provide me so far.

All I ask for in return is a day of complete, solid and unending joy without a tinge of sorrow or regret. I'm ready for the challenge. Are you?

Of disconnected relationships & intriguing dynamics

When I was expressing my views about Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna in one of my previous posts, I kept thinking about a few other movies that belong to the same genre and deal with human relationships in a much more touching and intricate manner. Oh no, I'm not talking about the new-age cult movies like Murder, Jism, Zeher, and the likes. These do not appeal to my sense(s) and sensibility(ies).

I am thinking of movies like Silsila (but of course!!), Masoom, Arth, Sahib Biwi aur Ghulam, Ijaazat, and Charulatha (Satyajit Ray's amazing depiction of Rabindranath Tagore's story). Why was I reminded of these movies particularly? Because all of them displayed the same deftness in handling tricky themes and portraying delicate issues. You just have to open your eyes, let your mind take in all that's happening around you, notice the kind of relationship(s) shared by men and women in our culturally evolving society, and you'll see what I mean.

Silsila, I must say, was too bold for the early '80s but the makers couldn't keep at it till the end. They couldn't risk letting two marriages break and had to backtrack from uniting the lovers, for fear of ostracism. The path which Big B's movie was reluctant to tread, junior Bachchan's film ventures into, successfully too. Twenty-five years is too long a gap for the society to remain the same - and stick to the same moral code of conduct.

More than Silsila, I have always found Arth to be much more fascinating for the way the makers dealt with the thin line between friendship and love, and carefully walked the movie on a double-edged sword without letting the people involved slip even once. Arth brings to the fore the beautiful friendship between an understanding male friend called Raj and our protagonist Pooja. It's his constant support that helps her re-invent herself and re-evaluate her relationship with her cheating spouse. The movie ends leaving Raj and Pooja as friends, without entangling them in a web of another relationship. And therein lies the beauty of the movie that fascinates me still.

Masoom, on the other hand, intensifies the struggle of the wife by bringing a child into the picture. You sympathize with the woman but you also hate her stubbornness at times as your heart aches for the little boy. I remember watching this movie when I was quite young and felt it was totally unfair that the woman has to deal with the reality of her husband's fling, besides shouldering an additional burden of letting his illegitimate son walk into her happy home uninvited, throwing her world upside down and reminding her of the infidelity and the injustice every minute of her life. I always felt Shabana was justified in fighting for her rights.

I still keep wondering how the movie would end had the roles been reversed, and the husband had to deal with his wife's brief affair, and the resultant child. Smirk! Smirk!! I think it would probably have been a disastrous experiment - both for the makers and the audience as well! Not many people would accept Waheeda's illegitimate child in Kabhi Kabhi and Big B's role as her husband in the movie is a perfect reflection of the general male attitude (of the '80s).

My all-time favorite Ijaazat (what a movie!), however, delves much deeper into relationships and tries to understand the psyche of the human mind. Here the wife has a lot more to deal with - not only her husband's mood swings and fond memories of his ex, but also understand and sympathise with the girlfriend's obsession with her husband. Phew! I tried understanding how she manages to do it with the same sane (?) spirit. Isn't it the same movie where the whole story unwinds and rewinds in the waiting room of a railway station? A metaphor to indicate life coming to a halt briefly and then taking a newer route? Or maybe it's about life getting stuck at the crossroads, I guess!

These are all delicate themes, with delicately woven plots, intriguing dynamics, and deeper psychological insights. And so are our relationships. With each and everyone around us. As I notice with a heavy heart the number of marriages failing around me and relationships turning sore, I am constantly reminded of these amazing movies and the lessons they teach us.

Failed experiments and four burnt vessels

It was definitely a nightmarish experience both for me and my little devil. Since I have nothing better to do in life these days than supervising things and little devils, besides spending a couple of hours tormenting my students, I have been regularly impressing everyone around me (which actually means my just-turned-seven daughter) with my cooking experiments. I was mostly successful (in scaring the little one and making her eat whatever I cook) and I was on my way to becoming the master chef too... or so I thought.

Until this evening when I was bitten by the experimental bug yet again and called up my mom in a jiffy to get the

recipe for, and tips on how to make, mysore pak, I had no clue that I am actually no good in the cooking domain. :( If I were to rewrite the lyrics of the famous title song of the Jackie-Meenakshi-starrer Hero, I'd have to probably write, Par pak-shastra ke pannon mein apni takdeer to zero hai...

And there I was thinking I was the best cook in the whole world. I don't know for what reason I suddenly had this overwhelming desire to make and eat mysore pak as my evening snack for the day. Akhir kyon! Why couldn't I think of a better snack like pakode or payasam which have been my best and most successful experiments so far!! Maybe it was Divine Intervention when God wanted to desperately warn me against my gluttony, and cooking escapades.

So how did it all happen? I got the recipe right. Noted down each detail my mom gave on the phone carefully (hiding my irritation as she repeated the steps to be doubly sure that I got everything right), by-hearted the whole recipe in less than 10 minutes before darting straight into the kitchen. Then how can it all go wrong?

I measured one part besan (gram flour), one part sugar, one-and-a-half parts of ghee and one glass of water very carefully. Then I heated a kadai (pan) on the stove, added sugar and water to make a thin syrup of

one-thread consistency. Then I added besan and kept stirring continuously to make sure there are no lumps. And then I started pouring in the ghee slowly while stirring continuously. Then why didn't it start bubbling with the ghee leaving the sides of the pan as my mom promised? Instead everything was turning dark brown. I kept hoping that if I leave it for a bit more on the stove, it'll be set right.

All I get at the end of the frustrating 15 minutes is an almost blackened besan powder in ghee. Gawd, where is my mysore pak - is it hiding behind this sooty stuff?

Okay, maybe I got it all wrong. Or missed some step in between. Let me re-check and try it again! This time I measured an even lesser portion of all the ingredients, used a new pan and followed the process carefully. Then why was the besan getting stuck to the spoon and the pan?

I gave up and decided to take it off the flame and spread it on the plate. It looked all right. I mean at least it didn't get burnt, and was still looking slightly yellowish - the way mysore pak is supposed to look. But then, why the bloody hell was it undercooked and tasted like I was eating raw besan with ghee and sugar! Nonsense!

Let me try it one last time. I repeated the experiment yet

again with a dominating gut feeling that I gained experience in stirring the mixture without feeling tired, so my mysore pak will turn out to be the best this time - better than my mom's best I'm sure. Okay, everything looks fine. So far so good. But why the hell is it rock hard?

Now what do I do with the rock-solid lump? Maybe hit the annoying watchman of our apartment complex with it and pretend I didn't exist.

Okay, three experiments (in a span of half-an-hour) and four burnt vessels later, I give up! Point well noted... I don't think I'm cut out to make mysore pak. I better stick to kheer, gulab jamun and gavvalu. And I guess the enthusiastic experimentalist in me is put to rest - for a while at least!