Ayyo... Ramachandra!!

My association with Bhagwan Sri Ramachandra Maharaj ji dates back to a few decades. And my first initiation into Rama bhakti, way back in the late '70s, must have been quite a smooth affair for my parents given the family tradition and history. As a child, I used to love learning and reciting the shlokas my mom used to teach me. And Srirama Rama Rameti, Rame Raame Manorame happens to be one of the first poems I had learned after the invocation shloka of Shuklambhara dharam...

Oh yes, any amount of talk about my mom's devotion towards Lord Sri Rama would be inadequate. Mom has been a staunch devotee of Dasaratha's God-son. And she has been writing Ramakoti (Sri Rama's name written one crore times) for the past 40-odd years and has completed writing His name around 90 lakh times.

Ever since she was initiated into the ritual of writing the Lord's name by none other than Sri Kanchi Kamakoti Pita Adhipati (Swamy Jayendra Saraswati) way back in the early seventies, she has neither taken a break nor is she about to get over it anytime sooner. And she's quite eager to complete one crore Rama namams. But it's not just her. I guess it runs in my maternal grandparents' family. A few of her sisters are deep into it too. A couple of my aunts even completed this amazing marathon feat.

With this kind of devotion running in the family, will I be left untouched? Why sir, I'm a devotee! And a most staunch one at that too... So ideally I should be 'The Most Happiest' person when our family deity finally gets to find a home within the precincts of the Sanctum Sanctorum of the to-be-built new temple at Ayodhya. 

So what if something else has been razed to dust to construct a temple for my God? So what if the temple is being built on the ruins of another shrine of historic importance? Haven't I earlier approved of Kancherla Gopanna a.k.a Sri Ramadasu "using" the tax money to be sent to the royal treasury to build a temple for the same God a few centuries ago?

Hmmm... so why does it feel bad now that the verdict is out justifying the placement of the God's idols within the ruins of a blood-ridden historical structure? Because I was always made to believe that Sri Rama is the most peace-loving, non-violent and benevolent of all the Hindu Gods. Even with my rather limited knowledge of the religious scriptures, I do know it for a fact that nobody - neither a Hindu, nor a Muslim, nor a Christian - would ever think of building a religious shrine in a graveyard! 

Now how can somebody think of building a temple and place the God's idols within the premises when so much blood has been shed on the very same land (the so-called birthplace of Ram Lalla)? And that too for Sri Rama who had forgone the throne for the sake of his step-mother! I wonder which Purana, Veda, Upanishad or Dharma Shastra backs up the idea of a temple being built on a graveyard which was witness to the gory bloodbath and the deaths of thousands of people over the years. 

Even a devout like my mom is not very excited about the Ram temple in Ayodhya. All she cared about on the day of the verdict was the safety of her son-in-law who was on his way home from work. She was also worried about the mid-term exams of her granddaughter (who stays many hundreds of kilometers away) which were to begin the very next day! I know my mom is genuinely happy with two things in life - writing Sriramajayam (as she's eager to touch the crore-mark) and visiting the Sri Rama temple at Bhadrachalam a couple of years ago.

No sir, I don't think I'm a great scholar. I'm neither an authority on the Hindu scriptures nor am I a pandit of sorts. I'm just an ordinary housewife from a rural village who loves to cook, clean, wash, supervise, yell at daughter, fight with husband, order around, and still be treated like 'Her Royal Highness'. But all I want in this simple life of mine is some peace... and I do know that I feel that inner peace when I pray to God with all my heart (and silently) within the precincts of my own house. Or when I listen to Sri Venkateswara or Sri Kamakshi Devi or Sri Mallikarjuna suprabhatams or devotional songs early in the morning.

I don't need a grand temple with a glittering golden idol of God who is forced to wear a diamond-studded crown on His head while millions of others are forced to find (read search the public dustbins for) food everyday of their life. I'd rather a few hundreds of them be shown the way to earn a decent meal a day than have The Grandest Temple for my God. I was never a fanatic to be overwhelmed with the urge to fight on God's behalf. I do strongly believe that God is Omni-potent - the most Supreme Powerful Being in the entire universe. So is it wrong if I leave God to fight for His own rights while I fight with my husband (for my rights of course!)?

Now this is where I feel the strong need for Divine Intervention. God, can you please look into this matter and take full control of the current situation? And yes, while you are at it, can you also please demolish all those religious shrines constructed right in the middle of the road by greedy land dealers with the mere intention of grabbing a large chunk of the government land for which I am forced to pay the taxes? 

By the way, let me tell you God that while I Love (the idea of) You, I HATE the sight of your idol being incensed with the polluted air coming out of those endless rows and columns of vehicles. And don't You get irritated, Mr. God, that you've to hear the continuous cacophony, blaring honking sounds, and the non-stop noise 24X7 instead of the pleasant chiming of the temple bells? Oh, before I forget, let me reveal a secret and also offer you a bit of good advice like a good ol' friend. Please don't be too pleased with some of your "bhakts" who religiously and dutifully light a diya inside a road-side temple... these are the very people who pee on the wall right behind (or next to) your little abode. 

Did someone say blasphemy? God save You... and me too!

'Chang amma's mind'

Prayers (especially in my religion) usually begin with an invocation to the Elephant God like this - Shuklambharadharam Vishnum... At my daughter's convent school, she's taught to Praise the Lord or Thank the Lord for everything.

As little S sits down for her meal, she closes her eyes and obediently utters a Thank You prayer that goes something like this:

Thank you God

For the food we eat

For the water we drink

And for everything

Amen!

And when I'm angry and don't talk to her for a while, she writes little notes and shows them to me (albeit discreetly by her standards) by stealthily tip-toeing and placing the note right next to me while I'm engrossed in reading, cooking, chatting, and whatever-else-I-might-be-doing-then. You have to be a child at heart to know all about exchanging silly notes. Anyway... her notes are almost always the same and can be summed up as - "Amma, I am sorry. I love you. Will you talk to me...".

Or sometimes the notes would contain a short poem (and her favorite one too) which S has learnt from Barney and Friends.

I love you

You love me

We're all a family

Let me give a kiss

From me to you

Won't you say

"I Love You"

And oh... once S had modified the poem only slightly when I whacked her for creating ruckus, and not studying.

I love you

You hate me. Why?

We're all friends - I say that

Let me give a kiss

From me to you. Please.

Won't you say

'I Love You'?

Need I say how very sad I was over the next few days for breaking her heart and making her feel miserable. :(

But my little monkey never leaves an opportunity to test my patience, let it simmer a while, then bring it to a boil... and when the boiling point is finally reached, I stop speaking to her for a couple of hours. And this time (which was just two days ago), I was totally off and I hadn't spoken to S for almost half a day.

Now little S realized she's in trouble. And she had a real tough time winning back her mom. She tried writing notes which were quietly ignored. She tried to wriggle-wraggle, wriggle-wraggle, wriggle-wraggle like Donald Duck who is a one-legged, two-legged, three-legged, four-legged duck which almost always does the trick as her mom bursts out laughing. But sorry boss, it wasn't about to happen this time.

So, S had to tread a new path and write a different kind of note now - basically seeking Divine Intervention. And, she sent out a prayer God's way.

"Dear good God,

I want to talk, play and study with amma. Dear God, please chang amma's mind.

kindly srishtii."

But, of course, God also had ignored her for a bit so she realizes that while it's okay to make mischief and test mom's patience, it's NOT okay to disobey and ignore studies (especially when the mid-term exams are drawing closer). But God (good God) is God after all. Benevolent and loving that He is, He did 'chang' (I would rather not think about the Wikipedia definitions of the word) S's amma's mind. And thus, the story ends in another "... happily ever after" reunion. Peace to all! :)

Of snakes, spiders and scares!

Today thou shall all be treated to a quiet recording of banter between two cousins (of almost the same age) in a smallish car travelling on the smallest path in a smaller village...

S: I told you not to roll down those windows.

N: But it's hot and I want air.

S: Amma switched on the fan no! And it's evening. It's not even afternoon. Why do you want the windows to be opened?

N: (adamant) Because I don't like it if it is hot.

S: (equally adamant) Then you go and sit in the front and open those windows.

N: But atta is driving. I don't want to disturb her. And why should I go? You go if you don't want to sit near open windows.

S: (a bit nervous and apprehensive about revealing her fears) There are snakes hiding in these trees, and they'll come inside if you keep the windows open.

N: I don't believe you. And I'm not scared of snakes anyway.

S: But I'm scared of snakes.

N: Why? They don't do anything. I've seen snakes a lot of times.

S: I also saw snakes at my atta's house sometimes. But I'm scared of them. We will die if they come inside the car and bite us.

N: If you don't do anything, they don't bite us.

S: Why are you behaving like that? You're also scared of something I'm sure. All children are scared of something...

N: I'm not scared of snakes. I'm only scared of lions and tigers.

S: But they don't stay in the village or come here. Then why are you scared of them? I am not scared of lions and tigers at all.

N: (teasing) But you're scared of snakes.

S: (sulking) Yes because they can come and bite us now also.

N: What else are you scared of?

S: I'm scared of spiders also.

N: (laughing out loud) But why? They're very small and they don't bite also.

S: No, they also bite. And it's okay if I'm a boy and they bite me. But I'm a girl no. That's why I'm scared.

N: Huh?

S: You know, if a spider bites a boy he'll become Spiderman once he becomes big. But I don't know if a girl can become Spiderwoman if the spider bites her.

N: Ohhh...

N and S are still lost in thought when I switched off my mental record button and killed the car's engine as well. The house is in sight, and the girls are in mirth as they spot their one-year-old brother running towards them. And there ends our sweet banter, and the complex thought process too!!

For a few amenities more...

Generally speaking, two months is a long-enough period to get over things but, somehow, the tragedy of the untimely death of this 14-year-old boy still remains fresh in my mind and keeps visiting my thoughts. I guess it's not really very easy to forget and move on when the tragedy happens to be a heart-wrenching one and the victim happens to be an innocent young kid. Apparently, the snake that bit the boy is an extremely poisonous small green reptile that hides in the trees, jumps on to its unsuspecting, hapless victim(s), bites, and disappears as suddenly as it appears.

This incident keeps rewinding in my mind's eye as I brave the jungle-like path en route to my tuition everyday. And each time I pass by those huge terrifying wild trees on my way back when it is much darker and much more scarier, I keep wondering if I'll be the next innocent victim of a vengeful venomous snake. I know my fear almost sounds like an Urban Legend sequel. But life in this part of the country is not really that easy. Nor is it an eternal source of enjoyment sans worries, tragedies, tensions as is often portrayed. Neither is my home always going to be a risk-free retreat or a safe haven for my urban friends.

Not very long ago, there was this gas leakage near my daughter's school. And no, this was not because of negligence but because of poverty. No job = more poverty. Somebody tried stealing the brass knobs of gas cylinders (filled with chlorine) from a factory. If this is not tragic, what else can be? Those involved in the theft not only risked their life but also the lives of people in the vicinity - for a few rupees more.

And a few days prior to this incident, while commuting to Berhampur every night for over a week to stay with niece who delivered at Christian Hospital, I was shocked beyond words when I witnessed the pathetic living conditions of people in this part of the world (read absence of toilets) where women are forced to answer nature calls late at night under the dark canopy of the star-lit sky, and quickly hide their face(s) as the headlights of that one-odd vehicle passing by focuses on them for a brief moment.

Why the hell are we witnessing such shameful conditions even after 60 years post-Independence? Are we independent, really? And why are these villagers not standing up in arms against their apathetic condition? And how are these women tolerating this torture every night of their lives? If people themselves are not interested in working towards their betterment, who'll come to their aid? What freedom, life, and dignity are we talking about?

It was not so much of a culture shock... it was more of disgust towards the apathy of the government and its failure in every aspect of governance that frequently troubles my soul. I'm also now reminded of a rainy evening and my frustration, almost a year ago, when I got drenched completely as the bus I was travelling in started leaking.

All these incidents might still be bearable. What is unbearable is the death of a young boy, primarily due to lack of proper medical care in the village(s) in and around Berhampur. I don't think there's any justification to that tragic death, and the apathy of the officials and the pitiable living conditions around here make the crime that much more unpardonable!!!

Living in the 21st century, are we?

It, undoubtedly, is the worst day in any parent's life...

As soon as I walked into Nitisha's house at 4 p.m. and greeted my eagerly-waiting students, Jai keerthi, Nitisha's brother and the youngest of the lot, couldn't stop himself from announcing in an excited voice: "Ma'am didi ke school aaj jaldi chhod diye. Unke class ka ek bachcha mar gaya hai..." I was so shocked that I forgot to sit down.

This was how our dialogue went:

"How, when, what happened?"

Nitisha and her classmate Harish narrated the whole incident. "He was bitten by a snake ma'am".

"When? And how?"

"Kal raat mein saanp ne kaant liya tha ma'am usko. Woh hamare gaanv se hai ma'am."

"Where did he go in the night that a snake bit him?"

"Kahin nahin gaya ma'am. Ghar mein so raha tha... aur saanp ghar mein aake kaant liya."

"Oh god! Didn't nobody notice? Didn't his parents take him to a doctor?"

"Raat mein teen baje hua tha ma'am. Aur doctor ke paas bhi leke gaye the lekin woh mar gaya. Pehle Gopalpur leke gaye phir wahan se Medical (MKCG, Berhampur) bhi leke gaye."

"Kaunsa saanp tha?"

"Pata nahin ma'am lekin ek chhota sa saanp tha jo ki hare rang mein hoti hai aur uspe blue lines hote hai. Woh saanp na ma'am coconut tree ke phool mein chup jaata hai,"said Monica, Harish's younger sister.

"Is it a rattlesnake," I asked wondering how much of her description is correct and what part of it is her imagination.

"Woh kya hota hai ma'am?"

"Okay never mind, but is this small snake so poisonous that the kid got killed?"

"Haan ma'am, woh bachcha pura peela ho gaya tha."

"Is everyone else in his house safe?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Is he the only son?"

"Haan ma'am. Uski ek chhoti behan hai jo mere school mein padhti hai. Donon ek hi kamre mein so rahe the lekin usko kuch nahin hua," answered Monica.

I was speechless and my thoughts kept going back to a lot of other tragic things I've been noticing in this part of the country ever since I moved here. Though I was trying hard to focus on my students, my mind kept drifting back and forth to the kid, and his bereaved family, so I let them off rather early as they wanted to visit the boy's parents.

As I made my way home, the unfamiliar face of a 14-year-old only son of a soldier bitten by a snake kept haunting me, bringing with it many thoughts - mostly revolving around the living conditions here and the lack of basic facilities. Are we living in the 21st century, and progressing at a rapid pace? Really?

May the child's soul rest in peace, and may he be the last child in the village to die due to inadequate and incompetent medical practitioners in the district... may the rest of the children in Digipur and its neighboring villages be safe and healthy! Amen!

Old-style morality or new-age parenting?

Of late, my daughter has been picking up quite a few English songs... so, what's wrong with that? Maybe nothing. Maybe I'm paranoid. Maybe I don't want her to grow up fast. Maybe I want her to be just my little girl, forever! Maybe I don't want to go through the trauma of explaining the meaning of a few lyrics to her...

The reasons are plenty, and my logic very idiotic! But, perhaps, if you know why I am acting so funny you may even sympathize with me! For one, it's not those cutesy songs for little girls like Cuppycake or Crazy Frog, or Sound of Music melodies that little S sings. She goes on crooning I'm a Barbie girl with all its wacky-weird lyrics :(... my heart does many extra, fast beats whenever she goes "You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere... imagination, life is your creation"!

Oh God, what am I to tell her? How can I divert her attention to something else? I tried making her listen to Boney M numbers like Mary's boy child, and Abba songs too, but in vain. Of all the songs by Abba, she picks up (besides Money money money and Dancing queen) Mama Mia, S.O.S, and Honey honey. And the least I speak of Boney M, the better... apart from Rasputin and Ma Baker, she doesn't have patience for any other song.

Now, what do you tell a smart seven-year-old who sings Beat it or Thriller, and finds Boney M and Abba "too slow"? Cheaters, love machines, and killers are what/who she likes?! Grrrrrrrrrrr!!! God save me, and paranoid parents like me... Just the other day I was horrified to discover that she is humming Shakira's Whenever wherever, and immediately deleted it from my playlist. Thankfully, she didn't catch the lyrics too well to sing along!!

But why am I acting like the moral police? I've no clue. Errrrrrrr, I guess it runs in my family. I remember my mom whacking me on a few occasions when I crooned Bhale bhale mogadivoy (Maro Charitra), Sirimalle puvva (Padaharella Vayasu) and Aresukoboyi (Adavi Ramudu) - I was just four then (three years younger than S currently is and with a quarter of her mental capabilities) and I had no clue what the lyrics meant... though I must admit that when I was listening to these songs a couple of days ago and mom walked in for lunch, I turned a deep red and quickly closed the window as I felt rather shy to admit (even now) that I listen to these songs.

At 35, I'm still worried what my mom would think of me if I listen to "dirty" songs. I wonder what would be her reaction if I post these songs on FB or use them as my status msgs in GTalk... Will she whack me even now?

As for me, I'm caught between old-fashioned morality and new-age parenting! I certainly don't want to whack little S for singing risque songs. But I also want her to stop singing Barbie girl right now... Is this some new definition of a cool parent where I want 'to be' and 'not to be' as well? I've no solution yet but I'm sure I'll come up with an innovative answer to this dichotomy, and my own social-cum-moral dilemma!!

MA, MB, MC, MD, MS & many more Ms

Another day. Another conversation. But this time it wasn't me who was subjected to the torrent of my daughter's outbursts. It was her grandmother who had to patiently face little S's relentless rapidfire question session. And this is how the conversation went on a lazy Sunday afternoon!

S: Ammamma, did you study MB?

A: Huh? What's that?

S: Abbaaaaa... you didn't understand? Did you do MB? Just like my amma and nanna studied MA, did you study MB?

A: Yes, I studied MB, MC, MD, and many more Ms.

S: (extremely happy to have found somebody who is much more educated than her parents) Ah, okay. What else did you study?

A: I studied MA, MBA, MCA, MBBS, BTech, BE, MS, PhD... I've done all of it.

S: Then why were you not working like amma?

A: Your mother is also not working now.

S: Yes, but she used to work before no... why didn't you also work like her?

A: I couldn't work because I don't know how to use computers. That's the only thing I didn't study. And nobody gave me a job without learning computers.

S: Then you could have learned computers and worked no.

A: They all said I should know computers if I've to work and I couldn't learn.

S: But why? You should have learned just like amma, nanna and mama.

A: But there were no computers at that time. So nobody could teach me also.

S: Okay...

Pauses thoughtfully for a brief while before some brilliant thought crosses her mind and is reflected in her big, bright eyes.

S: Wait, if there were no computers when you were small how can the job people ask you to learn computers?

A: I don't know but they all asked.

S: But how can they tell you that when there are no computers only!! That's wrong no!

A: (smiles speechlessly) ...

And now, isn't it unfair that the "job people" (employers) tormented little S's grandmother and refused to give her a job just because she doesn't know how to operate a computer? Poor grandmother, and poor little granddaughter!

Conversation on a cool morn...

"Your daughter is smart..." That's what everyone tells me. I must say that I do agree to quite an extent. Read on to find out why I had to change my opinion about my stupid little one and suddenly start treating her with more respect.

The conversation began at 6 a.m. when she got up on her own, without me yelling out threats - for a change!

S: Bhow...

Me: Arrey wah! How come you got up on your own?

S: Because I got up (oh wow, I didn't know that!).

Me: Okay, good to know my little girl is growing up and doing things on her own...

S: Geee... what's for breakfast?

Me: I didn't make anything today. I'm packing biscuits, rusks, some murukulu. Will that do? Sorry beta, I couldn't decide what to make because just yesterday you had noodles. And I had no energy to make upma or roti. :(

S: It's okay amma... Whatever you packed is enough.

Five minutes later:

S: Amma, actually don't send me to school today no please!

Me: Why?

S: Because I've cold and I am coughing also. And it's raining no.

Me: It's okay. Your cold and cough are not severe. You don't have fever anyway! You'll be fine by afternoon. And you don't have school tomorrow and the day after... :) Now get going if you don't want to miss the bus.

Little S reluctantly brushes teeth, has a bath, wears uniform and shoes, drinks Boost, gets her pigtails tied, and is all set to go. So we pick up her bag and water bottle and off we go downstairs. Then, We wait in the rain for her bus! (sung in the same tune as I walk in the rain by your side!)

And our conversation continues...

S: Maybe we don't have school today.

Me: Why shouldn't you have school?

S: Because it's raining.

Me: So? If they start giving you a holiday each time it rains, you won't have school at all the whole of the rainy season...

S: Good only no, amma.

Me: But you just had a lot of holidays in summer!

S: Yes, but I want holidays in rainy season also.

Me: If they close the school during summer because it's hot, in rainy season because it's pouring heavily, and in winter because it's very cold, no school in Orissa will run. How will you complete your syllabus then?

S: It's okay amma. They should open the school in summer and winter but close it in rainy season. Even if it's hot, we can switch on the fan in the classroom and it'll be airy. In winter, we can switch off the fans. But I think they should give holidays in rainy season so we don't have to wear raincoat and we won't get wet.

Me: Hmmmm !! (Now, can I beat the logic?)

S's attention is suddenly caught by a crow on a ledge in the second floor of our apartment complex. She's, as always, lost in thought for a while before framing her question, logic or whatever thoughts are passing through her wonderful mind, and then she was out with her observations...

S: Amma, look at that crow. It is also trying to escape from the rain. But why is it sitting alone?

Me: Huh?

S: It could have brought its babies also no? Sad no... the baby crows will get wet in the rain and the mother is sitting away from rain.

Me: How do you know it's the mother of those baby crows? Also, how will it bring all the babies here? They are still small and aren't flying on their own.

S: But it can bring them one by one, no... (okay baby, got it!)

Me: I don't know...

S: Or maybe it covered the nest with something so that the babies don't get wet (Wow, why didn't I think of that?).

Me: Maybe!

S: (spots her bus at a distance) Amma, will you see when you go back and tell me when I'm back?

Me: What?

S: Whether the nest is covered or no.

Me: Okay, bye beta!

And it was this girl that I was so worried about a while ago, and thought of protecting her innocence. Children these days, I say!

When innocence is killed...

It is not like I waited for the incidents of the previous post to act as an eye-opener regarding human behavior. But they did set the ball rolling for my current thought process. Whenever I remember how the crows of the entire village swarmed the apartment complex and kept circling it, kaa-ing in the process, in order to protect the tiny baby crows, I keep wondering if human beings would do the same for their fellow beings...

And I must admit with regret that it's not the case always. I've seen that kind of unified support in some cases, especially in the case of accidents when a lot of bystanders rush to the spot to help the victim(s). I also remember a few incidents of theft, and threats, in the colony where I used to stay as a child and how the neighbors mostly kept to themselves for fear of being the next target.

Isn't it the case with terror attacks too? None of us may be able to forget the Mumbai terror attack but how much time does it take for fellow humans to erase the memory of the victims' faces and ignore the loss of life at various places on 26/11? And how difficult is it to engage in an organized counter-attack? Expecting too much, are we?

It doesn't take much time, energy or guts to run to the spot where an accident victim fell injured, and rush the unconscious person to the hospital but it certainly requires a great deal of courage and motivation to stand up to a quarrelsome neighbour, or a thief/ bandit with a weapon. And each time I hear of any such incident I wonder how many people and courageous souls does it take to topple a handful of thieves (in spite of their knives and guns) - 200, 300, 1,000 or more? Maybe I'm really expecting too much from cowards in the country!

One other thought that keeps crossing my mind is had one of the baby crows been killed by the monstrous monkey, would the other two crows remember the violence of their sibling's death? Or are their memories too short-lived and insignificant when compared to other greater mortals? If their memory is good enough to remember the incident for a long while, what about the violence involved in disputes, murders, brutal killings, mass hysteria and terror strikes?

What kind of lessons in humanity are we teaching our children? What kind of violent images are today's children exposed to? And considering their memories are more significant than those of the crows, I'm scared thinking about the impact all these visuals have on a child's mind and the future possibilities...

I still wonder, confused, about protecting S from all these, and more, and let her remain innocent for a little while longer... Protected from ghastly images. Protected from unwanted violence. Protected from pesky people. Protected from unnecessary tensions. Protected from every bad thing I can think of. Is it really possible? Sigh, sigh and more sigh!!

Rumour without humour!

I must say that rumour mills keep working 24X7. Having been exposed to two scary incidents with a dash of rumour (minus the humour) in a single day, I can vouch for the above fact.

I woke up this morning, as has been happening for a few mornings now, to the crowing of baby crows which were nestled closely together in the nest on a badam tree, next to our balcony/window. I even told my daughter that the baby crows got up so it's time for her to get up and get ready for school. As was the routine, she smiled with her sleepy eyes and greeted them with a hello too! And then the rush of the morning began!

Once S got ready, we stepped out of the apartment, locked the door and were about to go down when we saw a swarm of crows circling the apartment complex and kaa-kaaing at the top of their voice. Upon going downstairs I spotted the watchman's son and asked him what's the reason for the commotion. He told me that there's a monkey on the very badam tree and it killed one of the baby crows so all the crows are screaming and trying to scare the monkey away so that the other two babies can be saved. My heart did a wrenching back flip and skipped many beats.

In my mind's eye, the visual of the three baby crows sleeping peacefully was juxtaposed with the disturbing image of a huge monkey sitting next to the nest with a greedy look on its face. I was very disturbed and kept thinking about it through those torturous 10 mins while S and I waited for her bus.

Waving her an absent-minded bye, I rushed to my flat to check from my bedroom window if all the baby crows were okay. I could spot two babies perched on two branches, a little away from the nest, facing opposite directions as if on alert, watchful guard... while the third one was still lying in the nest, and looked as if it's breathing heavily. I was so worried that I almost closed the windows so I won't know even if it is dead but somehow couldn't bring myself to do that either.

And I kept pacing up and down for the next two hours till I received a frantic call from a well-wishing neighbor. The call was about a gas leakage in S's school and all kids are being sent back home... buses have already started moving out and she'll reach in the next 20-25 mins, no details of the gas are known yet and I am supposed to wait for her downstairs. "If she complains of discomfort or looks unwell, we'll need to take her to the doctor," said the good Samaritan neighbor whose daughters are studying in the same school, and whose sister works in the administrative section.

Many tense moments followed as I panicked and ran down, and kept pacing on the road till I saw the long turmeric yellow bus at the bend.

As soon as S got off the bus, I knew everything is all right and there's no need to worry. I still asked her if she has trouble breathing, or any burning sensation, or if she's feeling giddy, and got a 'No' for an answer. Apparently the teachers switched off the fans in the classrooms and asked all the children to cover their nose. Then students were quickly evacuated from the building and were promptly sent home.

S also told me in an excited voice that one of the classrooms caught fire and students there were the first to be sent out. I wondered about the safety of other students and my smart daughter assured me that all was well with everyone. Only when my journo-husband called up his reporter-colleague in Berhampur to find out about the gas leakage did we get to know a few details.

Looks like somebody tried to steal the knobs (made of brass) of chlorine cylinder(s) at an industry some two kilometers away and so the gas started leaking out. We don't know, yet, if the thieves were successful in their mission but because the workers and the residents around could smell the gas, prompt action was taken.

Thanks to mass over-reaction (was it the effect of the Bhopal gas tragedy?), everyone seems safe - for the moment. And I hope things continue to stay that way!

Epilogue

BTW, let me tell you that the third crow baby is fine too. It, along with its siblings, has its pink beak open wide awaiting the mother to feed some food. Also, I'm not sure about the fire in a classroom at my daughter's school. That makes me wonder about the over-time rumour mills as I am constantly reminded about what the watchman's son told me this morning about the monkey killing the baby crow, and what my daughter told me about the classroom catching fire!!

Draupadi, the undaunted spirit!

I don't think I've given so much thought to The Mahabharata after I outgrew the fascination for Nitish Bharadwaj who played Lord Krishna in that tele-serial.

I always liked The Ramayana though. Or at least as a child when I heard the stories of Rama, it was always with an admiration that I looked up to the prince-God who was such an obedient son, an ideal husband and a very nice brother. I even remember an ad (was it a contraceptive ad, I can't recollect) where the to-be-bride is blessed by elderly women to have a husband who is like Ram, who has a brother like Lakshman and mother like Kaushalya (with lyrics something to this effect Jiske ho Lakshman se bhai jiski Kaushalya si mai...)

But now, almost a couple of decades later, I started looking at The Mahabharata in a different perspective. For no specific rhyme or reason! And the first thing that caught my attention is the etching of the female characters, the prominent ones especially.

A hint at the idea of equality - however subtle it might be - is another concept that I couldn't miss in my not-so-thorough examination. Not once did I feel that the character of Draupadi was treated any different from the character of Krishna. I almost felt like the author said it in so many words that if Krishna can have more than one wives, so can Draupadi. Now that's what I call equality.

Of course, the subtlety or the cover-up is more for the sake of unwilling, grudging, unapproving readers who're rather averse and intolerant towards the idea of a woman having more than one husband. So, I don't think we can blame the author for blaming it on the mother-in-law (but of course!!!) who asks her sons to divide whatever they got equally among themselves. But still, at one level, the Maharshi has to give up the pretense and try to show Draupadi in a good light, and prove her to be as much a pativrata as Gandhari (who chooses to remain blindfolded for the sake of her blind husband). Especially in the episode with Keechaka in the Virata Parva.

At one point, I even wondered if Gandhari would have been better off not being blindfolded so she could give her husband good advice and guide him in the right direction instead of the routine "following in husband-God's footsteps". But I'm not questioning Gandhari's convictions here. It's Draupadi that I sympathize with more (and often pity too). To me, the biggest condemnation of her character stems from the fact that no so-called 'sane' couple would name their daughter Draupadi or Panchali. Beats me totally!

I strongly believe that despite some story about Draupadi's previous birth justifying her marriage to five men, her character had never been properly understood or absolved. Supposedly, Draupadi in her previous birth wishes to marry Lord Shiva but ends up committing suicide as Shiva says her wish cannot be fulfilled in this birth. But in her desperation to get her wish granted, she asks for 'pati pati pati pati pati' five times in a row when God, overjoyed with her severe penance, appears in front of her. Her boon is granted, but she'd have to be re-born as Draupadi. I don't remember where and when I read the story but I found it utterly ridiculous when I realized, with shock, the attempt to attribute chastity to a woman with five husbands!

I partly understand Draupadi's plight, her sense of justice, convictions, confusion, struggle. I admire her fight to prove herself in a male-dominated world... and also sympathize with her character totally but...

BUT... call it double standards or whatever, I don't think even I'd dare to think of naming my daughter after her, or rechristen myself Draupadi!! Sorry Mrs Panchali but I can do only so much as writing a blog post about you, and pay you a literal literary tribute, BUT nothing more! Thank you very much!

This post is dedicated to the undaunted and indefatigable spirit of Draupadi aka Panchali who has endured more s*%# than Sita aka Janaki, the pativrata ...

The art of losing weight

Good news for all wannabes out there who're envious of my weight loss!! A handful of my readers have taken turns in making my life miserable by constantly stalking me online asking away questions on how I have "lost so much weight". Phew! Somehow I feel it's more fun and easy to be round and roly poly than struggle (in vain, frustration, and desperation) to get into a size zero like our neurotic, anorexic, reed-thin role models.

However, since I've managed to lose weight, pretty successfully too, I'm going to act like this amazing fitness guru and give away my secretly guarded mantra for success. Without asking for a single penny (despite being a poor housewife) in return for my bada bing secret. Seriously!

Okay now the bad news... there's no real hard-hitting secret formula. I swear! I really have no clue why I've lost a lot of weight in a few months' time. It's just a bit of an idiotic routine and diet regime that I follow nowadays I guess. Oh puhleeeeeeezzzzz! Not strict crash diet routines for me. I have never tried those awful vegetable juice+clear soup+salad+sprouts+apple kind of diets (rather they never worked for me) so I won't suggest that to anyone either.

So there are a few cool things that I've been following for the past eight months. Only after everybody around started noticing and glorifying my so-called weight loss have I realized that I've finally succeeded at something without actually making an effort... never really put my heart and soul into.

I wish I had this kind of success with my projects without so much as ruffling a strand of my hair back in those working days... Anyway, below are a few things I do remember doing.

• Get up everyday at 6 a.m. sharp (though the alarm is usually set to 5.30 - shhh, now that's a secret).
• Drink coffee in a hurry so it literally scalds the tongue before the first student walks in at 7.15. Take no break for the next 3 hours, and tutor three batches of students.
• Is stomach growling? Make proper breakfast or eat left-over noodles, a couple of biscuits, or two slices of toast. Round it off with chai while watching stupid saas-bahu serials. You'll be done in less than 5 minutes, trust me - unless you've loads of patience to sit through a sit-com.
• Start cooking for lunch straightaway, unless there's work that involves stepping out of the house, and get done with it in half-an-hour! Mostly I end up making easy-to-cook things like tomato rice, vangi bhath, pulihora, khichdi, lemon rice, curd rice, etc. I do make an elaborate affair with dhal, rice, rasam, sabji, chutney/ pulusu - but it all depends on my mood and what the beti wants to eat that day!
• Keep chatting with friends till daughter returns. Give her food, make her sleep and return to chatting. No, I don't eat immediately. That's something I've learned after leaving my last organization. I eat ONLY when I get hungry. Otherwise, I don't mind waiting till past 3 p.m. too, or even skipping my meal if I'm not too hungry.
• Wake up daughter, help her study (and yell at her in the process at the top of your voice as often as you can - that way you can burn a lot more calories).
• Walk down to the beach/ temple/ in-laws' house - basically anywhere you want to, and for however long you want. Sometimes I walk a couple of times end to end in our half-an-acre plot while supervising the work.
• Have a light early dinner (mostly idli, dosa, roti, utappam, upma etc) - say before 8.30 p.m. Read a book or newspaper or chat till you go to bed (preferably before midnight).

Here's the gist of my current mottos:

1. Eat with your mouth, not with your mind.
2. Never eat when you're not hungry.
3. Don't indulge in greedy eating.
4. Don't neglect snacks and chai in between meals :P
5. Eat heartily whatever you can lay your hands on and whenever you want to.
6. Don't forget to walk everyday - 'just keep walking, just keep walking, just keep walking' in true Dory style. :)

And these are what keep me going, keep me fit, make me slim, and make me happy. Amen!

Hyderabad fears?!

And I've decided never to enter Hyderabad again! Gosh! But why? I don't hate the city. In fact, I love the city because that is one of the very few places close to my heart and the only place where I've spent all my childhood, teenage and most of my adulthood too. Then what's with me? Well, never mind.

Or, may be you should mind and take note of things. Okay, actually, let me make myself clear. I love Hyderabad but I'm scared of the city now.

This syndrome of "Hyderabad fears" started last year in October when I went for Dasara holidays with my daughter. There was the unfortunate spate of floods. Floods, floods, floods... at unheard of places too... all because of unannounced arrival of untimely rains. It kept pouring and pouring, and water kept flooding the city and its surrounding areas. Water, water everywhere not a sip to drink at all! So there went my holiday josh in one jolt. All 10 days gone for a toss! Disappointed, I went back.

The next trip came after two months... Christmas vacation. How can I miss all those fun visits and Christmas cake(s)? Sigh! And grrrrrrrrrr! Wrong timing I guess. The whole Telangana issue cropped up like there was no tomorrow. Agitations, slogans, more agitations, more slogans, burning down buses, pelting stones... oh what a fun trip it was! One week went by without us venturing out of the house for fear of landing in hospital, or, worse, jail! More grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

This time I thought I was being extremely smart before booking my tickets after a 3-month break. I carefully followed all the newspapers both online and offline without missing even a single letter on each page to make sure everything was fine with Hyderabad. It actually was - after I made my booking, and during my 20-hour train journey, and even after I reached the Secunderabad Railway Station.

But as luck would have it, within a few days after I landed, riots shook the city as two communities fought violently over some different colored flags. Right! Thank you! And the area we were staying in happens to be surrounded by troubled areas. Time gone is time lost. Soon time was ripe for me to bid another activity-less goodbye to the city and travel back to my peaceful haven.

That also makes me wonder if the AP government should pay me some concession fee of sorts to keep me where I'm so I don't step into the city and, THEN, there's no trouble... :P

Time for some quick bucks I say! When should I plan my next trip?

Too many holy books, too confusing!

'Amma, what's the holy book of the Hindus?'

That was my daughter's question while studying for her last exam (G.K.) in this academic year. A little earlier she had asked me about the holy book of Sikhs and I told her, without any difficulty, that it is the Guru Granth Sahib. She already knew about The Bible and The Quran. So, coming back to her current question, I thought this is easy... and said the first thing that came to my mind - The Bhagavad Gita.

S: What is the meaning of holy?

Me: Holy is something that is divine, that is Godly.

S: Means?

Me: Hmmm... okay, we say the temple is a holy place because we believe God stays inside a temple. That means it's very divine and peaceful.

S: So everything about Gods will be holy?

Me: Yes, we can probably say that.

S: (asked hopefully) But what about the Ramayana and the Anjana?

Me: Anjana?

S: The story of Hanuman...

Me: (Ahhh, okay now I get it...) There is no such thing as 'Anjana'.

S: Then what about the story of small Krishna?

Me: (I don't like cartoon shows... Period!) That is Bhagavatam.

S: That is not a holy book?

Me: It is.

S: Then when Krishna becomes big also there are stories no? Peddi (aunt) told me many stories.

Me: That is the Mahabharata.

S: They are also about Gods, so they should also be holy no!

Me: If that's the logic we use, then yes they are also holy books.

S: Then the mantras they read in the temple are also holy books?

Me: Okay, the mantras used while worshiping Gods are written not just in one book but in many books. We find them in the Vedas, Puranas, Upanishads, etc.

S: We have so many holy books?

Me: Yes.

S: Amma, but Muslims, Christians, and Sikhs have only one holy book no.

Me: (my patience is totally running out) That's what I've told you in the beginning right!

S: But amma, why do we have so many holy books then? How can everybody read and remember so many things? They'll get confused no.

Me: (OH MY GOD, I've never thought about this in the past 30-plus years of my life) Maybe...

S: (In a conclusive tone of 'That's it') So we should also have only one holy book.

Me: (still shocked beyond words) Okay, but you better study now.

Nevertheless, once again, she got me thinking about the whole philosophy behind the holy books, the confused Hindus and the spirit of the religion. I felt sorry not only for myself but also for all my fellow Hindus for all the confusion that the many holy books must be creating in our minds as she has pointed out. How very sad indeed!

Of bikes and gyan sessions...

Today I had my first gyan session after ages! I am still trying to recollect when was the last time I had a counselling session and with whom... Was it my last boss trying to pep talk me into how to handle a project better and remotely? Or was it my mom trying to persuade me to have another baby? Maybe it was my husband trying to convince me to move out of journalism and join an MNC when I was too hesitant to take the leap?

I don't remember exactly how and what those sessions were like. But today's is something I'll probably never forget... because it has come from the MOST UNEXPECTED source and how! Yes, it was my seven-year-old devil again who had another brief conversation with me over lunch. SIGH!

I guess God alone knows how the mind of a seven-year-old works. So suddenly her mind was wandering towards bikes and women drivers (Why, oh why!) and S bursts out in her usual bubbly tone, with the similar touch of enthusiastic inquisitiveness:

S: Amma, why don't you drive a bike?

Me: Do you want to know the truth or can I tell a lie?

S: Tell me the truth amma.

Me: I'm scared.

S: (with a mischievous smile mingled with a concerned look) What is the lie?

Me: You know the truth, why do you need the lie now?

S: I want to know what you'll say... I think I can guess, but you tell me no. Please!

Me: Okay, I'd have said... I'm not interested.

S: I knew it. I thought you'll say that only or you'll say 'I like driving a car'.

Me: Hmmm... now you know!

S: I know you've this car mentality (wonder where she picked up the word) and so you're scared of driving a bike.

Me: (kept gawking at her with a 'what the...' expression on my face) Who told you?

S: I heard when you were telling nanna...

Me: Hmmm....

S: But you should get over your fear no amma, and drive a bike. It's easy.

Me: (thinking in my head 'what do you know...') Hmmm...

So, is it really time for me to retire to the Himalayas to live in peace and not worry about bikes, driving and daughters?

The road not taken...

When I was just a little girl I asked my mother what will I be...

I guess my mother neither knew the song nor the answer. But looking at what I'm today and my present set of skills, I am sure she'll be more than happy about the road I had not taken :P. So, this is a story of two-year-old Baby S - set in 1976, sometime between October and December!

My mom was at her maternal home for her second delivery. Oh yes, my maternal grandparents were rich and quite well-known in their town. Just the family name was enough for anyone to know who we're related to, and the respect shown in their eyes is unforgettable.

One fine morning, when all the inmates of the white-washed two-storey building on the left corner of a street near Shanti Theatre in Gandhinagar, Vijayawada, were busy with their morning chores, a cute-n-chubby two-year-old baby girl in a red frilly frock got down the two flight of stairs unnoticed by any elder in the household. Having descended the last stair too, out she went from the door that separated the street from the stairs. There were no gates at that time mind you, only wooden doors!

She stepped out onto the wide road, into the big bad world, her own childlike sense of freedom overwhelming her (of course, I don't think she remembers feeling that way but I just said it for effect :P), and looked to her left and right. There was the wider main road on her right and the lane where her grandparents' house stands stretching further on her left.

Hmmm... which road should I take? Left, right! Left, right! Left, right! Grrrrrrr I can't decide. Why can't I just decide and move on? Okay, let me try again. Left, right! Left, right! Left... okay right... because the left road looks deserted and boring. The one on the right, the main road, has a lot more activity going on and a lot many vehicles beckoning me. So main road, here I come... Her little feet turned right and carried her forward.

After stepping on to the main road, she had more choices to make. There were three roads to choose from... left, right and straight ahead. But this time, I think the choice was kind of easy - right again. She kept to the right side of the road and walked, and walked. Just a few tiny steps later, she caught the attention of an old lady sitting at her kirana store a little ahead. Puzzled by the sight of a tiny girl unaccompanied by elders, the kind old lady came on to the road and carried the girl back to her shop. And the little girl could see two varieties of chikki, three kinds of chocolates, and murukulu kept in glass jars atop the desk at the kiosk. Also, the gray-haired lady reminded her of ammamma.

The shopkeeper then offered her two chikkis and started quizzing her.

Old lady: What's your name?

Little girl: S.....

OL: What's your mom's name?

LG: Nirmala...

OL: Where do you stay?

LG: Hyderabad.

OL: (suddenly tense and wondering if someone kidnapped the girl from Hyd and got her here) So, how and why did you come here? Where is your father?

LG: Nanna is in Hyderabad. Amma and me came in train here along with my grandmother. My mummy has big stomach and I'll have a baby brother soon if she goes to the hospital.

OL: (slightly relieved "okay her mom has come for delivery...") So, where does your grandfather stay?

LG: In a big white house. We have to climb stairs and go.

OL: (trying to remember how many white coloured two-storey houses are there in the neighbourhood, for she was sure the girl wouldn't have walked for long) And what does your grandfather do?

LG: He applies dirty black thing on people's palms and wipes it on a white paper.

OL: Do you know his name?

LG: Tatayya

OL: That's what you call him.

LG: Amma calls him Nanna, ammamma calls him Evandi.

So the conversation went on and the girl kept nibbling the goodies offered to her. The old lady was sure someone would come looking for the child anytime soon.

In the meanwhile, the scene at the house was chaotic - grandmom trying to console the uncontrollable sobbing mother who was not just worried about the daughter being lost but also was terrified of her husband's anger. The father was extremely attached to his little girl for she was born eight years after their marriage. Mother was scared thinking that the girl was taken away by dommari vallu (tribe of street dancers who earn a living performing rope tricks and dances on the roads) who had their tents at the end of the road on the left.

The neighbours opposite were summoned and the college-going sons in the neighbourhood went on their bicycles in search of the girl. And where does one of the "neighbouring uncles" find her? At the kind old lady's road-side kiosk munching murukulu and talking non-stop much to the amusement, and entertainment of the shopkeeper. Ah!! What a relief - for everyone!!!

Thus ends the story of a little girl, and the road she has not taken, on a happy note of reunion. And I guess that's how fates are decided; and careers are made, or broken!

What if I had taken the road on the left? Would I have been a terrific street dancer? Or something else? I still wonder and I still dread the thought...

In pursuit of happiness...

On a particularly disturbing dreary evening, I sat staring at the sea thinking about things that pushed me into this abysmal agony. It was then I realized there were irritants bothering me and I'm in pursuit of happiness... Life is hard. Life is harsh. Life is cruel. So? When did anyone ever say life is easy? Life is like that bhai! Since you can't quit right now, you may as well enjoy!

But, I wondered, how can one be happy always amid such frenzy and agony? Quite simple actually, if you set your mind to it! I believe 'Ignorance is bliss,' and what doesn't touch (reach) you doesn't (should't) hurt you. Okay let me make it simpler and clearer.

Life, to me, is a gift to be enjoyed and not wasted away! And I've a few mantras for happiness. They work for me; I hope some of these work for you too...

10. See the sea and the sun: I don't mean that you travel hundreds of miles to look at the sea literally! A quick break away from stress and buzz is all you need to rejuvenate and reinvent yourself. Just an hour off from work will enable you to watch the setting sun with a new joy.

9. Happiness is within, not with or without: Don't you think so? How can the presence or absence of something or someone make you happy/unhappy? Nobody can ever take away what you have within yourself - your core, inner strength, beauty, power, confidence, the meaning of your existence. Try a quick inward introspective session. It really helps to see what you actually want and what can make you, and keep you, happy.

8. Nobody besides yourself can make you sad: Trust me on this one! It's not what others say or do that agonizes you. It's your reaction to those words or actions and your willingness to wallow in pain and misery that make you unhappy. If you're okay doing this, then don't blame "others" for making a puppet of you and playing with your emotions, feelings, and heart as it's you who left the reins of your life in someone else's hands.

7. Hug a child (even if it's not your own): Children have the natural ability to spread cheer and happiness. So when life looks down on you, you look up to a child and bring that pleasant smile back on your face.

6. Small joys are better than bigger goals: Agreed you want to own a chain of businesses a la the Birlas or the Tatas. But while working towards your life's biggest goal, ignoring smaller joys will rob you of greater happiness. Take time out to enjoy a pleasant evening with family, the first drops of rainfall, a bunch of roses, your child's first words/ steps, good movies or music, a nice cup of hot coffee...

5. Chhodo kal ki baatein... : ...Kal ki baat purani ! Always think ahead, and avoid living in the past. The only good thing about the past is that it gives you enough experience and lessons about not repeating your mistakes. Beyond that, there's no point in looking back. Forgive, forget and move on!

4. Weed out irritants from your life garden: Don't give scope for bad thoughts, irritable people, and artificial obligatory relationships. Remember weeds of all kinds need to be plucked out if you want to save your garden. Never make the mistake of maintaining money-based relationships - they're dicey and they don't last long.

3. It's okay to pursue material comforts: True, money and material comforts are not as important as people and relationships. But if these can bring you momentary happiness and make your day, you may as well work towards gaining them before turning philosophers. Nobody can be a good karma yogi without being a good bhogi (pleasure seeker). If you're eying the new BMW/ Porsche, Prada accessories, new freaky gadget, a bicycle worth a few lakhs, and acquiring it is your only mantra for happiness, let that be so. Work out your strategies around that pursuit.

2. Pursue a hobby: Music is my biggest 'H' factor. It helps me unwind quicker and better. Sing along aloud, listen quietly, or just cry your heart out - whatever it takes to be normal. If gardening does the trick for you, go ahead! Sports. Swimming. Dancing. Writing. Reading. Anything. Do something that makes you genuinely happy.

1. Get tired, and feel rejuvenated: It could be a long workout session in the gym to tone your body, pump your muscles, or the works. It could also be a brisk walk/ jog regimen in the nearest park. Or, better still, a relaxing between-the-sheets activity helps the release of much-needed Endorphins in your body and keeps your spirits up. [Don't trust me? Check Wikipedia :).]

So, what do you think? Have more such, or better, mantras? Please do share your tips to drive away depression and make us happier :) !!

Ankhiyon ke jharokhon se...

... maine dekha jo saanware tum dur nazar aaye badi dur nazar aaye

Bandh karke jharokhon ko zara baithi jo sochne mann mein tumhi muskaaye...

Ek tere bharose pe sab baithi hoon bhool ke, yunhi umar guzar jaaye tere saath guzar jaaye...

What is love? Kya hai pyaar? I have been trying, unsuccessfully for years, to find the answer. The question keeps coming back to me every Valentine's Day (which has gained much significance and many commercial shades in the recent years). Okay, this is not about Valentine's Day.

This is about love actually! The various facets of this feeling, sentiment, emotion. I do not know what I'm seeking either. Except that I kept rediscovering love - many times over - in the past three decades. Each time I lost faith in this institution, miracles kept happening most unexpectedly to remind me that there's enough love in the world if you open your mind to welcome it. So here I am exploring love and its different angles.

When I was just a baby - my dad used to tell me at every opportunity - mom used to hold me in her lap and sit up the whole night so I don't wake up crying... isn't that love? When my baby brother was born, she made sure I had some exclusive time with him so I don't feel envious and deprived... I still remember his tiny pink fingers wrapped around my index finger, and the smile of recognition that dawned on his face when his eyes spotted any of us... wasn't that love?

When mom was angry with my bro and refused to give him food as punishment, I still remember the pain of a five-year-old sister when her brother's hunger showed on his teary face, the happiness of feeding him secretly in the kitchen, and braving mom's whacking with a contented smile later, scribbling silly sorry notes when mom ordered us not to talk to each other following a fight... if all these can't be described as acts of love, I wonder what else can be?

And, my whole perspective on love changed when I became a teenager. But of course! Love then acquired a new color, flavor, and meaning... everything turned more brighter, better, and meaningful (hmmmm!!!) when I tasted the sweetness of teenage love. With stars twinkling in my eyes, music reverberating in my ears, rhythmic dance moves in my steps, the world ceased to be the same... and I thought it was love - forever, and ever-lasting!

But it was not to be so. That was my first bitter experience of love, life, people, and relationships... the first time I lost love for life. Broken relationships are never easy to handle... especially if it's a precious seven-year-long one. And the ensuing misery is best forgotten...

It took an angel's gentle intervention to wipe my tears clean and walk me into the sunset, hand in hand. His love was not just a soothing balm on my wounds but it was the best and most beautiful experience of bringing together difficult and strangest permutation(s) of all kinds of love - fatherly, motherly, brotherly, friendly, loverly, husbandly, childly, sexual, Godly, lusty, angelic - arranged in an amazingly absurd and asymmetrical array, exclusively for me.

A generous dose of love, many words of care, a soothing touch, acts of affection, understanding, gratitude, a sprinkling of warmth, a splash of color(s), rose petals, moonlight, sunshine, moments of confusion, darkness, grief, loneliness, kindness, life's bitter-sweet offerings, purchases, sales, despair, hope, trust, confidence, lust, anger, depression, insecurity, spring, telepathy, tenderness, celebrations, compromises, sacrifices, separateness, memories, shared passions, and an eternity of togetherness later, love - I realized with satisfaction - is a beautiful package of many little things, prospects, actions, and words.

Love to me is not about who you want to live with, but it's more about who you cannot live without. So, I guess, I finally figured the answer too - however vague it might be! And I do know one thing for sure...

It is this love that still binds me to myself, to the world, to God, to relationships, to emotions, to life, and to everything that I can call bliss. And to that charming angel (no prizes for guessing who) I dedicate my pyaar-bhara post with a tear in my eye, blush on my cheek, happiness in my heart, and pleasure in each nerve and sinew...

P.S: I love you! (... Valentine's or no Valentine's)

Of cute girls, and tough career choices...

What do you do when your child refuses to stay put... and enjoy the bliss of being a child while it lasts? Nothing, I guess. You just go along the flow and let the monologues surprise you time and again. So today my daughter's semi-monologue revolved around career planning.

God, was I was taken aback at the complexity of her thoughts, the intricacies of her mind, and the dilemma(s) of a seven-year-old career planner. Soon I realized that cute little girls too have it tough when it comes to careers.

According to S, she has three very difficult choices to make - as far as her career goes - besides the two other choices her teacher forced all the girls in the class to think about. Okay, let's start with the teacher's choices -- my daughter's question literally pulled me out of my reverie! Talk of gender equality in this land!!

S: Amma, can girls also become doctors?

Me: Of course yes, Why not?

S: My teacher asked us to write in our book 'I want to become a nurse when I grow up and she said boys can choose between a soldier and a doctor.'

Me: (Oh wow! Isn't my daughter lucky to have a teacher who thinks she should become a nurse?) Everybody can become whatever they want beta! You can become a doctor, or you can even become a soldier if you like.

S looks like she's lost in deep thought for a while before she answers, 'but I don't want to become a doctor. I still wrote in my notebook that I want to become a doctor so that I can save people's lives'.

Me: Wow, that's nice...

S: But amma, I don't want to become a doctor. Can I become a singer?

Me: (Hmmmm) Yes, I guess you can.

S: Amma, can I become a dancer also?

Me: (Hmph! I hate TV and reality shows) Why not?

S: But I want to become an oceanographer and go into the sea. Can I become all three?

Me: Maybe you can if you... (was about to start a lecture on how she should concentrate on her studies, study well and more, and watch less TV, etc.)

My smart daughter sensed the impending ordeal I'm about to put her through and quickly blurted out the problems she foresees with her choices.

S: Amma, it's so difficult if I've to learn all the three no!

Me: Not really. You can sing anytime - all your life even while bathing, cooking, sitting, standing, walking... (hiding my sheepish smiles) probably you can dance under water when you become an oceanographer!

S: But amma, it'll be difficult no... I've to teach some students music, I've to teach some other students dance... then I've to go to the beach to go into the ocean. And I've to go there on time because they'll keep asking me to come fast, everybody will be waiting for me - even TV people - because I've to go inside water with a mike and speak, then they'll record it and show on Animal Planet! How can I go everywhere on time - I have to first learn to get up on time and do things faster.. oh my God how will I do so many things!!

Now you see, the real problems of cute little girls! Looks like they certainly have more problems on hand than most adults do... May God give all little princesses some peace of mind and strength so they can plan their careers smart, and well ahead in life!

My little princess is growing up...

It's been ages since I heard Slipping through my fingers (Abba) but I was suddenly reminded of this song when my daughter and I were enjoying a quiet dinner just a few minutes ago. Reason? The conversation we had or rather my daughter's ability to surprise me with her observations via her monologue.

And thus went our short-and-sweet conversation:

S: Amma, can I ask you one thing?

Me: Hmmm...

S: I've observed one thing about you... actually I've observed three things.

Me: (quietly raised my eyebrows while taking another bite of my dinner).

S: (lists out her three observations):

1. You don't make noise while chewing... which I can't do.
2. You eat very fast.
3. You don't talk much while eating...

Me: (my head reeling, 'Oh my God, what's with this girl?')

S: That is correct no...

Me: (done with my dinner, went to leave the plate in the sink and wash my hand)

S: Amma, can you teach me how to eat fast?

Me: (silent)

S: Amma, also when you're telling me how to chew without making noise, I'm not able to do it properly...

Me: (silent still)

S: And will you please tell me how to keep quiet? I am always talking and I don't keep quiet even for a minute.

Me: (just kept gaping at the little girl wide-eyed)

S: Amma, can you please talk to me while eating - means you just keep talking very fast and keep asking me questions. You ask one question after the other so I'll not be able to talk and I'll learn to keep quiet.

Me: (Still thinking in my head "Is this my daughter? I think I'm insane or she is more than mature for her age") Time to sleep beta, let's go!

She has not only pinpointed the problem at hand, but has also offered me a solution - all in a span of 3 minutes!!!

Slipping through my fingers... Really! Sigh!

Technically transformed!

I have never considered myself a geek. And I'm definitely not a gadget freak. I could never put 2 and 2 together without struggling. I was not even part of the show-off tech-savvy brigade that promises a phenomenal understanding of the new gadget that has hit the town - they either own it in a jiffy or save up for a couple more months researching thoroughly about the product, and its upcoming newer versions before making the proud knowledgeable purchase.

Like my husband, for instance, who would not settle for anything less than a Macbook, an IPhone or a Canon EOS 40D - now eying a Nikon D3 or D700 (not that I would know the difference - GRIN).

Naturally, I was shocked beyond words when I first discovered a passion in myself that was more than the usual 'look of interest'. This was in October 2008 when I first laid my eyes on HTC's newest launch, HTC Touch. Since I'm not too much into the technical specifications of any product, I didn't really care about its GSM/EDGE/BlueTooth/2MP Camera, SD Memory card storage and the like. The few things that caught my obvious attention and made me lust after the Touch were its attractive looks, sleeker design, and feminine appeal. I spent all the money I had in my account, besides swiping the 'privileged customer credit card' which I had refused to use for over two years.

I guess that's how the lure of technology works, or it is my own greed that was speaking for my irrational self at that time. Anyway, I spent way too much money (much more than the cost of all my previous cell phones put together) on a gadget which I took a fancy to - quite unreasonably and illogically. After safeguarding and using it to my heart's content, I lost my neighbour's-envy-owner's-pride mobile on a sleepy evening (sigh!), just a month after celebrating its first anniversary.

That broke my heart and I promised myself that I'll never again look at another gadget in my life - expensive or otherwise. I planned to settle for a simple cell phone that is sleeker, sexier, and feminine-looking (but of course) and would help me make calls, send messages, maybe take a few pictures, transfer songs via bluetooth, and perhaps browse the net for a bit... and Nokia 3600 slider suited my requirements perfectly.

Indeed was I happy for a year. And now technology tempts me again. I should have realized that the pulls of materialism are much stronger than one can imagine - especially when you're trying to move away from materialistic pursuits. Or so you think! Hmph!

I've a good-enough mobile in excellent working condition but I'm eying a HTC HD2 and still debating on whether I should spend 37K (in fact Rs. 1,000 more than an Iphone - wider grin!!!) on a mobile, however sexy its looks and appeal are, especially because I'm a housewife with no tangible source of income.

As if that wasn't enough temptation, my heart went all out for Fiat's new entrant - Fiat Linea Emotion. A cool car with excellent technical specs (yes, I understood most of it I think), I prefer it in either Fox Trot Azure or Pearl Champagne color :P. And yes, it comes with an affordable(?) price tag of just Rs. 7.5 lakhs for the petrol version. Does it really matter that I've a comfortable silver gray Maruti Alto which I've been using for the past 2 years and which had been faithful and never failed me even after a 1000-km-at-a-stretch drive?

The story doesn't just seem to end here.

It got me thinking about not just the pulls of materialism but also about how easy accessibility has become. Internet gives me all that I need without me having to set my foot out. I can inspect the product from various angles, understand the specs and the works thoroughly, check out the price, and probably even book for a test drive / home delivery. Without asking anyone (read experts) for information! All one probably needs to think about in today's world is one's bank balance. If you have enough zeroes (preferably after the one), in your account, you're good to go. As simple-n-easy as that - for the lucky ones I mean!

But now, where do I go?

New turn for Hyderabadi malls

I went to Hyderabad and returned without much ado. So what? Plain irritation at petty politics marred my trip this time. But this post is not going to be a detailed discussion on politics and the burning Telangana issue. Like I care! How does it matter to me if one State is divided into two or 20? All I care for is some peace of mind, and a piece of land I guess. Is that a difficult bargain in return to my services to the society?

Okay politics and frustration aside, I had time to marvel at the new face of Hyderabad. I guess the city never ceases to surprise me. Air-conditioned APSRTC buses were one of the first things I noticed while nibbling a garlic bread at Pizza Hut in Banjara Hills. I wondered if the special service is area-specific - but what do people in a plush locality with super-fast swank cars need air-conditioned public transport system for?

But apna Hyderabad has become really posh bhai! Isn't that a good thing? Just when I thought there were more malls opening in the city than the number of people who can afford to shop at leisure without the need to keep track of the crisp currency notes left in their wallet, GVK One opened with lesser fanfare but definitely more patrons.

That took time to sink in. And when I started taking in and getting used to the enormity, the grandeur and the spoiled-for-choices environment at this place, I was taken on a surprise trip to the new mall that opened in the vicinity of another plush locality called Hi-Tech City in a much closer proximity to many prominent IT parks.

There you are! Inorbit Mall! It was nothing like I've ever seen before in Hyderabad. It reminded me so much of superstores like Walmart and Nordstrom where I used to spend most of my free time during my two-month stay in Mountain View, CA. Only much bigger, with five storeys of floor space as opposed to the single storey of the US superstores... Wow, that's definitely not what I was expecting from Hyderabad. I was, in fact, praying that Walmart and Starbucks should open chain stores in our very own city.

Inorbit is so huge that I was quite tired after checking out the neatly spaced out and well-arranged stuff in the ground floor itself. And I wondered - much too aloud to the liking of the crowd around - who had the patience or the energy to check out all the floors before hitting the food joints on the fifth floor. I went straight to the topmost floor as I needed to appease my growling stomach. Though less than a tenth of the entire floor was opened, the choices of food - both snacks and elaborate meals - were mind-blowing and pretty promising too.

So there I was - on the fifth floor of Inorbit trying to choose between a McDonald burger and a Tibbs Frankie, taking in the rest of the scents, well... odors in some cases, and letting my eyes wander warily around the spectacularly spacious mall. I finally settled for a burger and kept munching on while I was discussing - okay, all right, it was a torturous dramatic monologue my poor husband was subjected to - (in a rather animated tone) all things I liked and didn't like about the mall.

What I liked:

• The space was definitely something I loved. And also the neatly arranged shelves with much wider berth between them that let people shop peacefully without irritating other consumers while jostling for space. Definitely not normal for a Hyderabadi superstore!! And it definitely doesn't trigger claustrophobia-ridden panic attacks.
• The other feel-good factor is the feel of the store itself. At least I felt comfortable, at ease and pressure-free. I felt no obligatory need to buy stuff.
• Plus, there were things which would attract all kinds of customers from different strata of society. If one can get over the initial inhibition of entering into a mall of such magnitude, it's a nice place to hang out - just for the works or the food.
• The ample parking space is another good thing about the mall considering the nightmarish parking experiences elsewhere in the city.

Things I didn't like much:

• It's a bit too huge for anyone's liking. One tends to get intimidated by the space at times... especially on a New Moon night. Hahaha! I hope they don't get greedy and mess with the arrangement of the shelves (I did spot that greed at a few places on the first floor).
• I do feel that they should have stuck to one- or two-storeyed mall philosophy, rather than the current five-storey structure, as they have space on their side.
• Forgetting where you parked your car is certainly out! You need to keep track of the alphabetical order and the specific cellar floor unless you want to face the frightening prospect of getting lost and going around in circles to locate your vehicle.

All in all, I had a nice feeling about the place. This is one mall I might keep going back to - no matter how far away it is from home - the way I used to frequent Walmart without ever getting tired of it. When I broached the Inorbit subject with friends, they had mixed reactions. 'Too big and suffocating', thought a few, 'too good', 'very cool' were other obvious, anticipated reactions.

So here's three cheers to the undaunted spirit of Hyderabad - Telangana or no Telangana - and its umpteen new malls!

Fun in the sun